In case this bottles in the toddlers room thing doesn't fly even with a medical note, I'm trying to explore my daycare options. To put it bluntly, I don't have many.
No one I know and trust runs a home daycare. Really no one I know runs a daycare, but I like to add that trust part just in case. Because there are people I know who I would never let take care of my child. Come on, you do too. I'm not the only weird one.
Home daycare freaks me out. Particularly unlicensed home daycare. I think people go into it thinking it's an easy way to get extra money and may not provide the nurturing, structured environment that I think is needed for my high-maintenance toddler. My mom dumped me in plenty of these places over the years. (I know there's good ones; I just personally cannot attest to any operated by someone I know and trust.) Think old ladies chain smoking in a trailer watching Price is Right while 8 year olds roam around the trailer with porn and drugs strewn about. I'm not joking. I still remember the crack trailer, the porn, and little boys showing me things they shouldn't be. And my husband wonders why I was a latch key kid starting at 9. It was a win/win. My mom didn't have to pay for daycare that way, and I didn't have to be surrounded by the Future Prisoners of America.
My mom ever so helpfully gave me the name and number of a home daycare near me. She said someone she works with takes her kid there, and it's really cheap. Ummmm, thanks but no thanks mom. I'm a little more discriminating than that. And I remember the hell holes you sent me to that were cheap. (But I didn't say that - see, I can be polite - I just thought that.)
There's daycare centers. I do like that they're always open, there's more social interaction, more eyes, a variety of caregivers (within reason of course), and I do trust her daycare. No violations at all in 20 years? That's pretty darn good. Some of the caregivers really enjoy Julia, and she enjoys some of the caregivers. The downside is the rigidity of the toddler room. I'm willing to acquiesce on the nap. But due to all her feeding problems, I won't compromise on the bottles. She cannot go 8 hours without a bottle. If this becomes a real bone of contention, I need a back up plan. I'm pretty sure all other "official" daycares will be the same about bottles.
Sooooo that leaves me with the licensed, at-home daycares. I have a lot of trepidation as crack houses and porn and precocious boys come to mind, but I made an effort this morning.
First I called the Child Care Referral Line. They can refer you to licensed child care and can accommodate specific requests. I requested referrals that have experience with feeding issues and could give a bottle to a toddler. They take up to 2 business days to get back to you. So that's in the hopper.
I went to Craigslist. It seems like most there are unlicensed. Please don't get offended, anyone, but I think the following description is lame:
"My name is Angela and I am a stay at home mom. I watch 2 children a couple days a week. I am looking to care for more little ones. We have a wonderful 4 year old who loves having the kids here. We live in a beautiful gated community it's very safe we have a private park we enjoy. We are a christian family. I am affordable I know it's hard to find someone good that is. Our house is spotless. I have great references. If you need someone to watch your little ones than send me an e-mail and and we can see if we are a good fit."
I want to pick apart this whole ad (it's really, really difficult for me to repress the urge), but I won't. I'll just point out that stating you are a Christian family means nothing. Christian families have their share of problems and addictions, just like non-Christian families.
There was another ad that looked okay, and there was a website. I went to the website, and my heart was saddened and lifted at the same time. She is a SAHM with 3 kids. She lost one child due to eating issues. He had severe food issues (and other developmental delays) and had to have a feeding tube, and he still succombed. She will know exactly what it's like! I'm sure she will understand my obsession about feeding my underweight baby. I send her an e-mail telling her about Julia instead of calling because I figure that she has a houseful of kids, and I'll let her back on her own time (that's why I much prefer e-mail over phone).
After I type the e-mail, I go to her PDF'ed brochure. I'm not sure how much of this is standard, but I get some weird vibes from the brochure. You are encouraged to NOT call or drop by unexpectedly during the day. The brochure says this disturbs the children, and she needs to give her undivided attention to the kids and lesson plans. While I can somewhat get the rationale, I have NEVER seen that published anywhere. Most places say the EXACT opposite. Call anytime, drop by anytime. Hmmm...what's going on that I can't drop by? The first two weeks is a probation period. She can discontinue caring for your child for any reason, and you do not get your first weeks' tuition refunded even if she rejects your child (nice, huh?). You're charged fees for everything, even if you forget to sign your child in or out. She says the sign-in book may not be in its usual spot all the time, and it's your responsibility to find it in order to avoid the fees. Ummm...that's weird. She's more expensive than the daycare Julia's at now. It's not a huge deal, but I would have expected an at-home daycare to be a little cheaper. Then there's her 2 weeks paid vacation, 1 week of paid sick time, and 1 week of personal time. I'm not begrudging her time, but that's 4 weeks out of the year! Most people don't get 4 weeks off a year from an employer. So not only is she more expensive, but I have to pay someone else for those 4 weeks as well, or we have to use our vacation time to cover for her vacation time? She ever so kindly allows you 2 weeks of vacation per year, but you still have to pay half the tuition for those weeks. So in essence you can get out of 1 week of tuition (2 weeks at 50%) per year at the maximum. At Julia's current daycare, you can get out of 4 weeks completely with notice.
It's so interesting that within 15 minutes of sending the e-mail she calls me. Huh? I thought you were busy giving undivided attention to all those little ones. (Do I win the snarky thought award or what? Maybe THAT'S the appeal of my blog. I'm sarcastic and bitchy and cynical.) She's really interested to know when Julia would start. Sounds like someone is having a severe cash flow problem. Hey, almost all of us have cash flow problems, but I'm looking for Julia to be more than dollar signs in someone's eyes.
I have an interview with her on Monday after work. Unless S reads this and tells me to cancel it. He's even more cynical than I about daycare providers.
14 comments:
Yikes! I think I would have to interview with her out of pure curiosity ;0p She sounds like she has had some major issues in the past. I would be leery of her...
I have a website here in georgia that I can go to and pull up all the licensed daycare (centers and home) providers and view all the reports on them. I dont' know if maybe you have something like it in your state? The one for Georgia is www.decal.ga.gov I wonder if you can change the ga to wa for your state? I even got on there and pulled up Jennifer's last inspection. It was SO interesting to read all the picky things the providers get written up for. And then, I sat for 2 hours on there reading all the reports on revoked licenses. It was SAD AND SCARY!!!
Good luck in your search. We seem to both be on the same path yet again... :0)
Oh, and I grew up in a trailer park (yes, I am proud private school trailer park girl!), and I too remember neighbors just like the ones you described your mother leaving you with!! Ahhhh...the trailer park stories I could tell! lol I'm a well rounded adult today because of it though :0)
I tried to replace it with WA and nothing. However, there is a licensing site that I've gone to. I used it quite a bit on maternity leave. Ours don't show inspection reports - wish they did - that would be some good reading with popcorn (and kinda scary at times)! Ours just show complaints and whether they were valid. I just looked her up. Ugh! One instance in 2005, and she was written up for 5 separate violations in that one instance. If S reads this, he will refuse to even see this lady.
I proudly come from working class rednecks. I still got some trailer park in me - the Price is Right and wearing sweats in public and lots of other quirks like watching redneck comedy. And I went to private school too for a few years! :) The commonalities never end beween us.
Oh girl!! Go to this address http://www.decal.ga.gov/ChildCareServices/Revocations.aspx I must warn you....it will make you seriously think twice about home daycare though. But I was HOOKED reading these the way you read blogs. You gotta check out the one who kept 16 kids and her boyfriend stole her truck with 2 daycare kids in it. Serrita Mckinney is the one. Oh MY....break out the popcorn, the kleenex and the pepto bismal. Some of them are just SAD, and others are pure Jerry Springer....which makes them sad too :(
Beth, is staying at home with Julia for another or so even an option for you honey? I know that living on one income sucks major nasty ass. We do it, but there are really NO daycare providers in this area that I would trust my hearty eaters to, let alone a baby with Julia's specific eating problems.
It's all business. That's one thing that you just have to come to grips with when it comes to a paid sitter or care provider. All the kids are dollar signs in their eyes. What you have to determine is...how good are they at their JOB which just so happens to be caring for and nurturing the children left in their care. I know it must be scary and I cannot pretend to know how you feel. I am so sorry that you are having a hard time finding to simply take care of and keep your little angel safe and happy and as well fed as they can keep her!
Ugh. I totally get your frustration. The way the bottle thing was explained to me was that it wasn't so much about my child as it was about the other kids in the classroom. If one kid has a bottle, then everyone would want one.
So, I wonder if there are any pediatric day health centers in Tacoma. We have one here in San Diego that Mischa is on the waiting list for, just because I love their philosophy. They provide care for kids who otherwise would be rejected by traditional daycares and typical children, so they are very open minded about feeding issues and such. Their website is www.togetherwegrow.net.
You know what? I forgot the other strange part of our conversation (oh, S, you're so not going to want to do this). Besides wanting to know when Julia would start, she wanted to know where we worked. Isn't that really odd? Why is that relevant? I told her (relatively close by), and she said most of the kids' parents work in Seattle. Wanting us to work far away taken in conjunction with the NO calling or dropping by unexpectedly, now I really get heebie jeebie vibes. I'd say Michael Jackson kind of creepy, but I guess I can't say that anymore. RIP, Michael.
April, it sounds strange, but it's good for all 3 of us if both S and I work. I don't really like being a stay-at-home mom (please don't shoot me!). And I think Julia has to start adjusting to the world, and with the proper environment I think she can. It was funny when I first got pregnant S and I would "call dibs" on being the SAH parent. Now we're both like, "I'll work. YOU can stay at home." As for the job thing, you're very right. I guess I'm looking for someone who really likes their job. There's gotta be someone, right?
LA, thank you for the reading! I will pop some popcorn this evening and get to reading. And then proceed to kiss the feet of her current daycare. :)
Wendy, you got my hopes up! I googled my heart out and came up with nada. I wonder where medically fragile kids around here go (not that Julia necessarily is, but some of the kids in the pictures were). I guess a parent has to stay at home. It is definitely a hole in our market. There's a boy at Julia's daycare with Down syndrome, but he seems like he has very mild Down syndrome.
Okay, B. Do not make me tell you stories. S. is right to be leery.
Sorry to get your hopes up... It would be cool if there were more of these types of centers around as there are so many families in need. I know, preaching to the choir.
I have been told by my dear husband that I can certainly go to the interview on Monday, but Julia will NOT be going to that daycare.
Guess I'm going to have to have a lame-o reason to cancel.
Hi Rebecca! Yes, I know you can tell stories about very bad things that can happen at child care centers. And that's probably the bigger ones. Who in the heck knows what happens at home ones.
Ppphhbbbttt, you ain't tell me nothing! I want to know my freakin bon bons and jammie days and soap opera's I was promised when I signed on for this shit are!
All kidding aside, staying at home is not for all people, but when it comes down to not having someone who can care for your child who is what they call 'high needs' the way she DESERVES to be cared for... you know...might not be such a dreadful thing to consider, having either you or S stay home until she outgrows the eating problem. BUT hopefully, and I will say a little prayer....there HAS to be a patron saint of picky eating babies....that you WILL find the perfect daycare provider for Miss J!
Thanks, April. I'm hoping for that patron saint! I think the underlying assumption you have is that my husband and I can get Julia to eat more than anyone else. Ha! I wish it was the case. We'll see how this 6 meals a day thing goes. As for the bottle/liquids, it's always a constant struggle. We're hoping that with all the extra meals will get enough calories in her to get her over this hump. (And I really love solid meals. Just dump food on her tray - so much easier than trying to persuade her to drink an ounce of her bottle.)
My assumption was more along the lines that you and your hubs were unable to find reliable, dependable, and affordable childcare and that you were unsure any of these places would be able to care for Julia to ya'lls standards. In THAT case, then I would be inclined to think that either of you staying at home with her until you are able to find other arrangements would be an option.
Our in-home experience a couple winters ago was really bad. Though, I haven't been impressed with the daycare centers around here either. I even put in a complaint about the place. One would think the provider wouldn't be allowed to yell at parents in front of the children for giving a doctor's note stating that a child should be given water instead of milk during the day. Unfortunately, unless a child is physically harmed, it's okay. The really scary part is that my complaint isn't even recorded since it was considered okay what she did. Plus the daycare provider was legally able to keep three weeks of payment that I didn't use after her awful behavior was the reason I didn't feel comfortable leaving my children there. Lucky her. Maybe I should go into child care.(=
BTW, two weeks of paid vacation, sick days, and charging for everything are extremely common for in-home day care centers. They also don't have to give you any notice of closure and don't have to provide back up care.
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