I'm tired, and it's only the end of the weekend. I'm not sure HOW I'm
getting through the rest of this week if I'm tired before even going
back to work. On Wednesday I'm going up to B'ham (3 hour drive each way)
for a 7-hour meeting with my least favorite person in the world, so
it's going to suck big-time to spend 13 hours with my least favorite
person. J's party is on Saturday, and my husband is making and
decorating a big cake on Thursday and Friday. And J is asking every five
minutes when her party is.
Today (on Monday) my
husband, J, my mom & I took a 1.5 hour drive to see S's parents,
1 of J's cousins who lives on a tropical island and is in town, and S's
brother's two boys.
S's brother lives in a duplex.
It's kind of small, and 9 of us in a small space was tight. Then there
was the remote control volume war. S's dad and the little cousins kept
turning up the TV to a mind-numbing level. My husband and I kept turning
it down. Between all the yelling and the ear-piercing TV, we wanted to
crawl into the fetal position and rock back and forth.
We came home, and I passed out until midnight.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Friday, May 25, 2012
Disappointment
As I'm sure I've said before, being a parent brings up your own internal crap. Let's use a fictitious example: you were really afraid of the dark as a kid, and now your kid freaks out over some monster she supposedly sees in the middle of the night. If you had your own monster issues when you were a kid, then this is going to bring up some vicarious angst for you because you're having to watch your kid experience it and feel the associated emotions.
My "thing" is disappointment. I have to say that my daughter deals with disappointment a heckuva lot better than I do. I tend to get more disappointed over things than she does. It's good that she lets things roll off her like I wished I would. I worry that my internalization of disappointment will start to rub off on her. I have to keep it in check so it doesn't start to.
Obviously, something happened when I was a kid that really, really disappointed me. I can surmise what it was, but it also could have been a series of small things that became practically a mountain to me. My response to that was to try to avoid disappointment at all costs (because if you ignore something, it will go away...right?). For some reason, I've found that it's easier to avoid life's big disappointments than the smaller ones.
Life's Big Disappointment #1: Unrequited Love
My Stupid Solution That Avoids Disappointment: Don't love anyone first. A crush is okay, but keep it in perspective that you really don't know the person and are just basing it on superficial stuff. Pull away if you start feeling more than you think is being returned.
Life's Big Disappointment #2: Not Getting Your Dream Job or Not Getting Into Your Dream College
My Stupid Solution That Avoids Disappointment: Don't apply for your dream job. If you do apply, give yourself the most critical self-talk saying that you know you will never hear anything positive. If you get anywhere, it's a +. If not, you expected to be rejected anyway because you suck. Also, you never want anyone else how much it means to you, and even better is if no one else knows that you even applied.
If you put a wall up around yourself, I do think it's easier to stay away from the big disappointments. However, this really isn't a sound strategy because you become stuck in emotional paralysis.
Even if you do put up the wall, there are still going to be little disappointments in life. Like you were really excited about upcoming plans with a friend, and your friend cancels at the last minute. Your friend might have a totally legitimate reason (like getting hospitalized), but it still sucks. Or you get a B on a paper when you were really expecting an A. Or you really wanted a specific Christmas present, and you just got socks. There's tons of little disappointments we all have to deal with every day of our lives.
I'm just saying...I don't really do well with even small disappointments. I think it's my unresolved issues with disappointment from childhood (since I never dealt with them) that make me feel like I'm being cut open when I deal with even a small disappointment. I tried to (mostly) buffer myself from most disappointments that I never truly learned how to go through the process of putting things into perspective, moving on and making the most out of the situation regardless of whatever obstacle occurred.
But now that I am having to talk through disappointment with a toddler in a more analytical way about her personal situation, I find myself giving advice that I should be using every time I encounter disappointment. It turns out that she actually takes some of my advice, and she puts it in perspective and moves on. I, on the other hand, don't do it nearly as well.
My "thing" is disappointment. I have to say that my daughter deals with disappointment a heckuva lot better than I do. I tend to get more disappointed over things than she does. It's good that she lets things roll off her like I wished I would. I worry that my internalization of disappointment will start to rub off on her. I have to keep it in check so it doesn't start to.
Obviously, something happened when I was a kid that really, really disappointed me. I can surmise what it was, but it also could have been a series of small things that became practically a mountain to me. My response to that was to try to avoid disappointment at all costs (because if you ignore something, it will go away...right?). For some reason, I've found that it's easier to avoid life's big disappointments than the smaller ones.
Life's Big Disappointment #1: Unrequited Love
My Stupid Solution That Avoids Disappointment: Don't love anyone first. A crush is okay, but keep it in perspective that you really don't know the person and are just basing it on superficial stuff. Pull away if you start feeling more than you think is being returned.
Life's Big Disappointment #2: Not Getting Your Dream Job or Not Getting Into Your Dream College
My Stupid Solution That Avoids Disappointment: Don't apply for your dream job. If you do apply, give yourself the most critical self-talk saying that you know you will never hear anything positive. If you get anywhere, it's a +. If not, you expected to be rejected anyway because you suck. Also, you never want anyone else how much it means to you, and even better is if no one else knows that you even applied.
If you put a wall up around yourself, I do think it's easier to stay away from the big disappointments. However, this really isn't a sound strategy because you become stuck in emotional paralysis.
Even if you do put up the wall, there are still going to be little disappointments in life. Like you were really excited about upcoming plans with a friend, and your friend cancels at the last minute. Your friend might have a totally legitimate reason (like getting hospitalized), but it still sucks. Or you get a B on a paper when you were really expecting an A. Or you really wanted a specific Christmas present, and you just got socks. There's tons of little disappointments we all have to deal with every day of our lives.
I'm just saying...I don't really do well with even small disappointments. I think it's my unresolved issues with disappointment from childhood (since I never dealt with them) that make me feel like I'm being cut open when I deal with even a small disappointment. I tried to (mostly) buffer myself from most disappointments that I never truly learned how to go through the process of putting things into perspective, moving on and making the most out of the situation regardless of whatever obstacle occurred.
But now that I am having to talk through disappointment with a toddler in a more analytical way about her personal situation, I find myself giving advice that I should be using every time I encounter disappointment. It turns out that she actually takes some of my advice, and she puts it in perspective and moves on. I, on the other hand, don't do it nearly as well.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Human Pin Cushion
I am allergic to everything that's airborne. When I say everything, I really am not exaggerating. Let's see, the partial list is: a variety of weeds, a variety of trees, grass, mold, cats, dogs, other dander, feathers, dust, blah blah blah.
I've only been me, so I've only known my own level of discomfort, and I don't know how this compares to anyone else's. For the most part, I get by with my allergies. I don't have pets. I try not to have a lot of plants around my house. I try to clean. But I live in Seattle, which has vegetation...everywhere. And it's damp. And our house backs to a freaking state park (which is great, by the way, for hiking and going to the beach).
I am miserable from April - July. The weeds, the flowers, the grass...they make me want to die. My head constantly throbs, and I'm perpetually coughing up all colors of the rainbow other than blue and purple. I'm supposed to take Flonase, but it makes me tired. I'm also supposed to take Zyrtec, which also makes me tired. Flonase + Zyrtec = coma followed by deliriousness. Then I add in Tylenol. And a sinus rinse for good measure. This results in a drug-induced mess where my main goal is just surviving the work day without being given a drug test. Then I go home and sleep, which I'm sure my husband appreciates as he's left to do everything.
A few years ago I went to a naturopath. Had the food allergy test done, and I basically can't eat anything. No gluten, no dairy, no soy, no garlic, no cranberries, no bananas, no eggs, no pineapple, blah blah blah. The naturopath also suggested I eat more protein, take 10,000 iu of Vitamin D a day, and take fish oil. I kept to the very restrictive diet for a few weeks as well as the vitamin regimen, and I did feel better physically. But I slipped back a little bit into my old ways because it's hard to live without cheese when you share a house with two cheese fiends. And garlic bread is so very tasty. My body started to suffer a little - but less than it had previously - and I acclimated to a new normal that I sparingly ate the foods that irritated my system.
So maybe the naturopath wasn't a nutjob. (Not that I ever thought that, but some people do.)
Back to my airborne allergies. Since I had a good experience with the naturopath, I thought that perhaps an acupuncturist may help with the airborne allergies.
My first visit was on Saturday. Based on my health plan providers, the closest one was about 3 miles away from my house. I'm lazy; I picked that one. They were also open on Saturdays, which is a definite plus. The providers were named Jessica and Candy (about my age based on their names and likely not Asian - again, based on their names with very common last names).
I got Jessica. Although she was as white as white can be, she did have a nice way about her. I have a definite appreciation of the tendency for those of Asian descent to be more humble, quiet, and less "look at ME" than white folks. She carried herself that way, which I really liked. You could tell by her body that she probably worked out 12 hours a day and hasn't eaten even a bite of processed food since before Kurt Cobain died. She definitely lived what she preached as an acupuncturist/nutritionist.
But...I'm not sure how great she was at actual acupuncture. It was my first time, so I have no point of reference. In the event that you've never had acupuncture, I'll explain what happened. We talked for about 15 minutes about my allergies, it took about 5 minutes to put in the needles, and then I laid there for about 40 minutes. She put in about 14 needles. You have to lay there for about 40 minutes to "process" with the needles in you. One of the needles definitely hit a nerve, and my arm was tingling the whole time. One of the needles made me bleed. A few of the needles made me bruise. As pain goes, it was just pinches, except if it hit a nerve. My sinuses did seem to start to drain a bit, but maybe that was a placebo effect. Overall, it was okay, I guess I expected more from her in the way of actual one-on-one time. Based on the bleeding/bruising/nerve hitting, I'm not sure if her technique was the best but what do I know???
This week my sinuses do feel better. I did have the acupuncture done on Saturday. But the weather has also turned wetter, which gets rid of the wayward pollen in the air. So it's really hard to determine what the reason is for my sinus improvement. Is it the weather? Is it acupuncture? I wish I could go back and redo this week without doing the acupuncture so I could determine if I felt the same with just the weather changing. I want to be able to do controlled experiments on myself!
I've only been me, so I've only known my own level of discomfort, and I don't know how this compares to anyone else's. For the most part, I get by with my allergies. I don't have pets. I try not to have a lot of plants around my house. I try to clean. But I live in Seattle, which has vegetation...everywhere. And it's damp. And our house backs to a freaking state park (which is great, by the way, for hiking and going to the beach).
I am miserable from April - July. The weeds, the flowers, the grass...they make me want to die. My head constantly throbs, and I'm perpetually coughing up all colors of the rainbow other than blue and purple. I'm supposed to take Flonase, but it makes me tired. I'm also supposed to take Zyrtec, which also makes me tired. Flonase + Zyrtec = coma followed by deliriousness. Then I add in Tylenol. And a sinus rinse for good measure. This results in a drug-induced mess where my main goal is just surviving the work day without being given a drug test. Then I go home and sleep, which I'm sure my husband appreciates as he's left to do everything.
A few years ago I went to a naturopath. Had the food allergy test done, and I basically can't eat anything. No gluten, no dairy, no soy, no garlic, no cranberries, no bananas, no eggs, no pineapple, blah blah blah. The naturopath also suggested I eat more protein, take 10,000 iu of Vitamin D a day, and take fish oil. I kept to the very restrictive diet for a few weeks as well as the vitamin regimen, and I did feel better physically. But I slipped back a little bit into my old ways because it's hard to live without cheese when you share a house with two cheese fiends. And garlic bread is so very tasty. My body started to suffer a little - but less than it had previously - and I acclimated to a new normal that I sparingly ate the foods that irritated my system.
So maybe the naturopath wasn't a nutjob. (Not that I ever thought that, but some people do.)
Back to my airborne allergies. Since I had a good experience with the naturopath, I thought that perhaps an acupuncturist may help with the airborne allergies.
My first visit was on Saturday. Based on my health plan providers, the closest one was about 3 miles away from my house. I'm lazy; I picked that one. They were also open on Saturdays, which is a definite plus. The providers were named Jessica and Candy (about my age based on their names and likely not Asian - again, based on their names with very common last names).
I got Jessica. Although she was as white as white can be, she did have a nice way about her. I have a definite appreciation of the tendency for those of Asian descent to be more humble, quiet, and less "look at ME" than white folks. She carried herself that way, which I really liked. You could tell by her body that she probably worked out 12 hours a day and hasn't eaten even a bite of processed food since before Kurt Cobain died. She definitely lived what she preached as an acupuncturist/nutritionist.
But...I'm not sure how great she was at actual acupuncture. It was my first time, so I have no point of reference. In the event that you've never had acupuncture, I'll explain what happened. We talked for about 15 minutes about my allergies, it took about 5 minutes to put in the needles, and then I laid there for about 40 minutes. She put in about 14 needles. You have to lay there for about 40 minutes to "process" with the needles in you. One of the needles definitely hit a nerve, and my arm was tingling the whole time. One of the needles made me bleed. A few of the needles made me bruise. As pain goes, it was just pinches, except if it hit a nerve. My sinuses did seem to start to drain a bit, but maybe that was a placebo effect. Overall, it was okay, I guess I expected more from her in the way of actual one-on-one time. Based on the bleeding/bruising/nerve hitting, I'm not sure if her technique was the best but what do I know???
This week my sinuses do feel better. I did have the acupuncture done on Saturday. But the weather has also turned wetter, which gets rid of the wayward pollen in the air. So it's really hard to determine what the reason is for my sinus improvement. Is it the weather? Is it acupuncture? I wish I could go back and redo this week without doing the acupuncture so I could determine if I felt the same with just the weather changing. I want to be able to do controlled experiments on myself!
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Sensing
I am a very sensing person. When I take the Myers-Briggs, I always come out high in sensing (versus intuition). If you've read any of my blog entries for any length of time, it's easy to pick up on the amount I sense. When I try to describe the difference between sensing and intuition, I say that sensing is more literal with your five senses, and intuition is more patterns/abstract reasoning.
I am very literal. Occasionally I get esoteric, but I'm overwhelmingly literal.
I love my senses because I find that they are such a rich source of memories. Tonight I walked through the Stepford Wives neighborhood, and it was like a time machine taking me to a different memory at a different point in time every few steps. It started with Winston cigarettes. I don't smoke, but my dad did & he smoked Winstons. Thus, I know the distinctive smell of those cigarettes. A few steps later I smelled scalloped potatoes. Why someone was making scalloped potatoes at 11pm - I have no freaking clue. But I thought back to going over to someone's house and having the best scalloped potatoes ever. Then I heard a car behind me start up. I always know when it's a Honda engine starting; it has a very distinctive sound. I always whisper, "Honda," when I hear a Honda engine start up. I used to check to affirm that it actually was a Honda. Now I don't even check because I'm so confident.
The whole walk in the neighborhood went like that. Some days I feel more receptive to those subtle cues. I guess tonight was one of those days.
I am very literal. Occasionally I get esoteric, but I'm overwhelmingly literal.
I love my senses because I find that they are such a rich source of memories. Tonight I walked through the Stepford Wives neighborhood, and it was like a time machine taking me to a different memory at a different point in time every few steps. It started with Winston cigarettes. I don't smoke, but my dad did & he smoked Winstons. Thus, I know the distinctive smell of those cigarettes. A few steps later I smelled scalloped potatoes. Why someone was making scalloped potatoes at 11pm - I have no freaking clue. But I thought back to going over to someone's house and having the best scalloped potatoes ever. Then I heard a car behind me start up. I always know when it's a Honda engine starting; it has a very distinctive sound. I always whisper, "Honda," when I hear a Honda engine start up. I used to check to affirm that it actually was a Honda. Now I don't even check because I'm so confident.
The whole walk in the neighborhood went like that. Some days I feel more receptive to those subtle cues. I guess tonight was one of those days.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Pantene vs. boobs/eyes/smile/personality
There was an interesting study that came out a few months ago. I thought I had ranted about it here, but apparently I hadn't and had instead just ranted about it in my head.
Pantene funded a study. This study concluded that 74% of men indicated that they notice women because of their hair and 44% of men surveyed said that hair is the first thing they notice about a woman.
Don't you wonder how this study was done? Was it like how they do their hair commercials? You know, a woman is hanging upside down with 12 feet of red hair cascading down. There's really nothing else to look at BUT her hair. Did she even have a body? Or was she in a sack with that 12 feet of aforementioned hair?
I think the "study" is hogwash.Maybe I give men a little too much credit, but I think they take in the whole package: overall body, eyes, smile, legs, etc. I sincerely doubt hair makes it or breaks it unless a guy has a specific preference (i.e., long hair), and the woman in question has an opposite quality (i.e., very little hair). Even then, it could be remedied naturally with time or artificially.
I think the study is completely biased in its administration.
But the thought that I could sign up for daily Krispy Kreme delivery since my body is irrelevant to my husband makes me smile. All I need to do is dutifully wash my hair with Pantene and neglect the rest. Sign. Me. Up!
Pantene funded a study. This study concluded that 74% of men indicated that they notice women because of their hair and 44% of men surveyed said that hair is the first thing they notice about a woman.
Don't you wonder how this study was done? Was it like how they do their hair commercials? You know, a woman is hanging upside down with 12 feet of red hair cascading down. There's really nothing else to look at BUT her hair. Did she even have a body? Or was she in a sack with that 12 feet of aforementioned hair?
I think the "study" is hogwash.Maybe I give men a little too much credit, but I think they take in the whole package: overall body, eyes, smile, legs, etc. I sincerely doubt hair makes it or breaks it unless a guy has a specific preference (i.e., long hair), and the woman in question has an opposite quality (i.e., very little hair). Even then, it could be remedied naturally with time or artificially.
I think the study is completely biased in its administration.
But the thought that I could sign up for daily Krispy Kreme delivery since my body is irrelevant to my husband makes me smile. All I need to do is dutifully wash my hair with Pantene and neglect the rest. Sign. Me. Up!
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Disney
Back when I was a kid, which seems like eons ago, it was quite a big deal to go to Disneyland. What did you do there? Well, you rode mostly old (1960s) rides, roamed around the park trying to find some poor, overheated person in a Goofy or Mickey Mouse costume, and rode calm rides while your parents tried to catch their second wind.
Now, things have changed.
Going to Disneyland seems standard even among the middle class by the time you're 5 years old. It's good to stay in the adjacent Disney resort. You have to do the character breakfasts and take pictures with princesses. If you're a child (or maybe even a whimsical adult), you have to dress like a princess. They have a princess beauty parlor to get your hair done like a princess.
In other words, it's a Disney cash cow. And it teaches little girls to be a princess and to find Prince Charming. Which kind of makes me gag.
Back in my day, it was about getting your picture taken with that poor person in a Mickey Mouse costume. Now it's so much MORE. You have to applaud Disney (the company, not Walt) for making it even more of an experience where you teach your little girl to be a princess.
As a cynical adult who doesn't believe in princesses or Prince Charming, it's like a big eye roll to me. As a business major, I'm in awe of how much money people my age throw at a week at Disney so that their kids can participate in this fantasy.
My daughter knows all the names of the Disney princesses. Since I didn't teach her (and I don't know them myself), I presume this came from school. Most of her friends at school have already gone to Disneyland. I'm trying to keep her from Disney (and those stupid princesses) for as long as possible, but I'm pretty sure she's going to be asking to go to Disneyland very soon.
I'm all about amusement parks. I LOVE them! I'm just not into the Disney advertisement machine.
Now, things have changed.
Going to Disneyland seems standard even among the middle class by the time you're 5 years old. It's good to stay in the adjacent Disney resort. You have to do the character breakfasts and take pictures with princesses. If you're a child (or maybe even a whimsical adult), you have to dress like a princess. They have a princess beauty parlor to get your hair done like a princess.
In other words, it's a Disney cash cow. And it teaches little girls to be a princess and to find Prince Charming. Which kind of makes me gag.
Back in my day, it was about getting your picture taken with that poor person in a Mickey Mouse costume. Now it's so much MORE. You have to applaud Disney (the company, not Walt) for making it even more of an experience where you teach your little girl to be a princess.
As a cynical adult who doesn't believe in princesses or Prince Charming, it's like a big eye roll to me. As a business major, I'm in awe of how much money people my age throw at a week at Disney so that their kids can participate in this fantasy.
My daughter knows all the names of the Disney princesses. Since I didn't teach her (and I don't know them myself), I presume this came from school. Most of her friends at school have already gone to Disneyland. I'm trying to keep her from Disney (and those stupid princesses) for as long as possible, but I'm pretty sure she's going to be asking to go to Disneyland very soon.
I'm all about amusement parks. I LOVE them! I'm just not into the Disney advertisement machine.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Sleepy, as in one of the dwarves
I haven't had much of a chance to write. My new allergy plan is to take a plethora of drugs, which mainly means I'm walking around in a haze and going to bed by 8pm each night. On top of that, my sinuses are still killing me.
Sooooo tired.
Will write more this weekend.
Sooooo tired.
Will write more this weekend.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Manic Monday
It feels like I haven't posted here in a while. It was a busy and chaotic last week. Let's hope this week goes a little bit better - or a lot better, but I'm not going to call in too many favors.
I have a lot of things to talk about. My thoughts are a little too chaotic still. Will be back soon.
I have a lot of things to talk about. My thoughts are a little too chaotic still. Will be back soon.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Facebook observations
1. There seems to be a very small subset of people who post new pictures of themselves every day or nearly every day. Like 3 new pictures of themselves at least 5 days a week. I have heard of Project 365, which is where you take a picture related to a specific theme, could be yourself, every day of the year with a higher quality camera. But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about taking pictures of yourself with your cell phone camera multiple times a day and posting them. Ummmm...I don't get it.
2. Everyone seems to be breaking up lately. As in, for the past several weeks I've been seeing a steady stream of "in a relationship" changing to "single." I need to be prepped for these, people. My heart breaks every time I see one go by. I want to ask, "What happened?"
3. As a corollary to above, it's easy to determine how nasty the break-up was by seeing if that person is still friends with the ex. Again, just an observation.
4. I really should go to bed, but I really like playing Words with Friends.
2. Everyone seems to be breaking up lately. As in, for the past several weeks I've been seeing a steady stream of "in a relationship" changing to "single." I need to be prepped for these, people. My heart breaks every time I see one go by. I want to ask, "What happened?"
3. As a corollary to above, it's easy to determine how nasty the break-up was by seeing if that person is still friends with the ex. Again, just an observation.
4. I really should go to bed, but I really like playing Words with Friends.
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