Confessions of a Cheerleader Dropout

Full Disclosure: My dislike of Stepford Wives comes from cheerleading. Like most girls, I always wanted to be a cheerleader. They got to wear cute clothes and had all the boys drooling all over them. And they always looked so darn happy all the time. Like they took 21 Prozac after waking up.

It's not that I'm unhappy, but I was never one who radiated sunshine and bliss. Can you tell? LOL

So in college I tried out for the cheerleading squad for basketball. My friend really, really wanted to be a cheerleader (can't blame her) and didn't want to try out alone. I, on the other hand, was a closet "want to be a cheerleader" type who had to have a reason to actually try out. And her trying out was the perfect opportunity.

You probably know how this is going to turn out. We practiced and practiced, and she became more and more excited about the prospect. I was my cynical self and became less and less interested as I hung out more with the other girls.

I made the squad by a morsel. I'm reasonably flexible and can do flips and cartwheels. I'm not so hot at learning dance moves, but my friend and I practiced, practiced, practiced. As for the personality part, eh, my cheerleader personality is not really there and it's hard to fake it for more than an hour.

My friend didn't make it. That sucked. She was so disappointed, and at that point, I would have gladly changed places with her.

The estrogen of the cheerleading squad was tic-enducing. I understood at that point why I enjoyed spending time with men. No group squealing, no backstabbing, no belabored makeup application, no constant reassuring that he's not fat, you can talk of some things with substance with men. Did we once ever talk about anything less tangible than makeup and basketball players? No. Granted, it wasn't terribly long that I was a cheerleader. I think I made it 3 weeks before I gave up because my friend wasn't there with me and it was not at all fun. I really don't like giving up, but I sooooo didn't fit in.

It's not all women that are like this; it was this group of women who cheered for basketball. It seemed like their whole lives revolved around getting a basketball player to date them, propose with a big ring, and then live in suburbia with 2.5 kids and a minivan.

And here I am in suburbia. I kinda like suburbia for the most part. I like my life. Perhaps why I like it so much is that I can be who I am while married and raising a child. I didn't have to compromise myself.

Perhaps there's a shred of Stepford Wife in me.
Perhaps there's a shred of inner goth-ness in me.
Perhaps there's a shred of nature lover in me.

The thing is that I'm not 100% in any one category. I don't fit in with the Stepford Wives. I don't fit in with the goths. I don't fit in with the gung ho nature lovers.

It's like when I don't fit in with any one clique in high school, and I know people from each clique but I don't have a considerable amount in common with anyone so I'm not best buds with anyone. I'm that person on the fringe who sits by myself at lunch or, when forced, sits with the brainy clique. But I don't fit in with the brainy people because I'm not smart and discussing the nuances of Madame Bovary bores the dickens out of me.

After a while, sitting by yourself at lunch gets very, very comfortable.