Monday, June 29, 2009

The Babysitter Advantage in Childrearing

I think I'm a better babysitter than mother. I was a really rockin' babysitter back in the day. I genuinely like kids and enjoy figuring out all their personalities. I've had my share of trials when babysitting. There was the family with 5 kids, including 6 month old twins and a potty-training nudist 2 year old at the same time. There was another family with 2 kids, and one was a very challenging kid. Reminds me of Julia in about 3 years. Alexa was very slow to warm up, didn't like any sort of change, and was melodramatic as all get out. It took several days for her to warm up to me, but once she did she was a joy. Then there was the time I felt like Supernanny. The family had 2 kids, and the older boy always escaped his bedroom at night. The parents took to babygating him into his room, which I thought was harsh. I singlehandedly cured him, to his parents' amazement, by wordlessly putting him back in bed every time he got out. It was obvious his parents interacted with him when he did it, so it was his way of getting attention. After a few times of me not interacting with him and putting him back to bed (and giving his parents an explanation of what I did and why), the behavior ceased. This was in 1999 or so, well before Supernanny. Then when I found out she suggested the same thing, I was so proud that I did the right thing in taming his behavior.

This parent thing is a whole different ball game. I think it's because you love this little person soooo much that rationality can go out the door. When she was screaming for juice today (see previous post), I was so close to giving in. She's ratcheted up to full meltdown mode, your ears are ringing, and you intellectually know that some hydration is better than no hydration. If I was babysitting in the situation, I would barrel through with the parent's orders without a second thought. Don't get me wrong, I genuinely liked all the kids I ever babysat, and I would empathize with their plight. But it's hard to build up the attachment and protectiveness in a babysitting relationship that you would have for your own kid. After all, you know your kid's idiosyncracies the best, and you can detect if something is "off" before anyone else.

Sometimes I crave that objectivity that I would have if I were a babysitter instead of a mother.

We've also been trying to wean her off a pacifier except at naptime and bedtime. I was one of those people who sees 4 year olds with pacifiers and shakes my head in disgust. My kid was NOT going to be one of them. I wasn't when I was a baby, as my mother tells me every time she sees Julia with her pacifier. Yes, I ceremoniously spit out my pacifier at 4 months old. My mother can't grasp while Julia still uses it. My mother also can't grasp why Julia's so frenetic while I was so docile as a baby. The implication is that I was a "good" baby, and well, you can figure out that Julia is quite the opposite in my mother's eyes. (And for the record, I'm pretty sure no one in their right mind would ever classify Julia as an "easy" baby. I know this, but I don't like that it's pointed out every time I see my mother.) I try to delicately point out that Julia is not a duplicate of me.

So back to this pacifier thing. We've been keeping the pacifier away from her except when she sleeps. That's another reason she's been melting down more than usual - on top of the milk in her sippy cup thing. We have figured out that the blood curdling "Baaaa Baaaa" screams are for her pacifier. I'm not sure what is more pathetic - the escalated "Baaaa Baaa" (as if we're deaf and saying it louder will sway us), or the whimpering at the end of her tantrum, "Baaa Baa."

We've been staying firm on the pacifier and milk thing. Not that we're "winning" the standoff by any stretch of the imagination. We get screamed at quite a bit for the pacifier, and she's refusing to drink the milk so far. It's pretty much a stalemate with her edging us out occasionally.

You gotta wonder what she's going to be like as a teenager. If she's this obstinate and melodramatic now, then I know we're in for it.

Comments must still not be working. Ugh, I really like this layout for the gothiness with a tinge of pink, and I don't want to find another one. But comments would be nice. The Blogger standard templates are sooooo boring. Other sites have blog templates, but they must not interact with Blogger that well. I went to The Cutest Blog on the Block. I went page by page, and I didn't find anything I liked that represented me. I'll try to explore more templates later in the week.

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