One BIG vice

My funny, vice-laden uncle recently told me that I need to get some vices. I have one big vice - sweets - but he seems to think that I need to add a few others to my toolkit of coping skills.

Coffee - it is sacrireligious to live in Seattle and not drink coffee. I know this. I am surrounded by some of the best coffee in the world, and I have yet to imbibe it. It's way too bitter. I've been told to add cream to it. Why not just eat a cream filled dessert instead? Why use the cream to tone down bitterness? Part of me feels like I should go through a Starbucks drive-thru and order a venti double shot something something.

Alcohol - Beer is icky to me. A glass of wine here or there is okay. A little vodka mixed with fruit juice is okay. But most of the time a little glass is all it takes before I feel a little hazy, and then I call it good.

Drugs - I've been given many Percocet & Vicodin prescriptions in my life, and I've never filled one of them. I probably could use Xanax (particularly with all of Miss J's feeding / sleeplessness / crankiness issues), but I have yet to muster enough courage to go to a doctor and ask for a prescription. Because a doctor will weigh me (ack!) and ask me personal questions (double ack!!) & I am not really fond of doctors anyway. Therefore, I don't have a Xanax vice yet.

Smoking - disgusting. I can't get over how my hands and hair pick up the smell of smoke in a bar, much less trying the habit myself.

Miss J is now up for the fifth time since going to bed at 8pm. She is soooo unhappy. I know she's hungry (only at 10 ounces so far for the day), but she won't eat. What is wrong with her? Why do the doctors not take me seriously?

Xanax. I really need some Xanax. Xanax, I need you. And it would probably be a much better vice than sweets because I might be able to lose some weight.