It was an emotional week. Some sad things happened to some friends, some sad things happened to co-workers, and Julia's had a pitiful eating formula week. You know, sometimes at 3am you just have to cry a little as you hold your daughter who's refusing to drink formula but starving at the same time. She's up to 10 ounces for the day if you include what I just forced her to drink after a 15 minute struggle to get her to start eating. Usually she will eat without too much problem during the middle of the night. But she's gotten to the point where she will even refuse that.
My mind gets going, I get so sad, and then there's a tear-filled pity party while S sleeps. I know he's concerned too, but he has the crazy (and healthy) ability to just put it out of his mind and go to sleep. Whereas I stay up fretting for another couple of hours. If I don't have an ulcer right now, I know I'm well on my way. The anxiety just paralyzes me. Why is she doing such a horrible backslide? This week is her worst ever. There may be one bad day or maybe 2, but she rebounds. It's been a whole week of her eating 4-6 ounces during the day, then maybe 8-10 at night. However, tonight she's not even even there. She is eating solids okay (saving grace), but she's refusing the bottle and anything in it.
Tonight after we just had the horrible feeding, she wouldn't even take her pacifier because she thought it was a bottle.
Sometimes I wish I could just trade her for a baby that will eat. I feel so horrible for thinking that because she doesn't have any major health problems. She's beautiful and developmentally on target, but it gets to be sooo stressful (or at least I stress out) trying to feed her. Doctors are really no help because they say nothing's wrong with her - although they won't do any tests. The minimal tests they have done say that she's perfectly healthy, and they don't think additional tests are warranted. This is code for, "Stop being so damn uptight!"
My claim is that she's not eating formula for a reason - likely that it hurts her. She has a good week (for her, not for a "typical" baby), then a bad day, and then there are some bad days in there, but when her bad days turn into bad weeks, I get really worried. Something is really bugging her. Then I'm afraid she'll lose weight, and we'll start spiraling.
J has actually had some good weight gains recently. Sometimes it seems to me like her body is doing everything it can to NOT gain weight. I don't get it!
I know most people can't understand. It feels so very alone. Doctors tell me I've overreacting, J is miserable, I'm a ball of anxiety, and I'm so very tired of living like this day in and day out. I hate that my world revolves around getting so many fluids & calories into her, and that my mood is dependent on whether J's eating that day.
I guess I've said all that I can say about the issue, but I'm still so sad and frustrated.
3 comments:
Oh sweetie...you are not alone. Things are ok for Waylon now...but I was in the same state you are in at one point. So, I can completely 110% empathize with you. And it is heart breaking. I would do the same thing you are doing...I would freak out when W would not have a good eating day and pure panic would set in. Still, today, I panic if he doesn't have a good eating day. Our eating troubles center around ear infections now. If he does not want a bottle, it's because it hurts his ear to suck. Then comes the vomiting because apparently ear infections cause a phenomenon similar to motion sickness. Not taking a bottle and vomiting...bam...we've got ear issues. We are battling our 3rd one right now. ugh.
Maybe you should call her doctor back and insist that they do a scan on her to actually SEE what's going on inside that tummy of hers. Remember, Jennifer's daughter had the same exact feeding issues and it was a "bubble" in her tummy(sorry, no idea what the medical term for it is because bubble is all she knew). There has GOT to be a specific reason for her not wanting to eat. Don't be afraid to be insistent. Heck if you have to, switch pediatric groups all together and start from scratch with a brand new doctor.
Whatever you do, please don't feel alone. I completely feel what you do and it breaks my heart for you :(
I'll put Miss J at the very top of my prayer list and have faith...she WILL get better.
Love you both
L.A.
Thanks, LA. We love you and Waylon!
I knew about Waylon's ear infections, but I didn't know he was consistently vomiting. Poor guy - it's hard to make weight gains when he's vomiting a lot. It's not like Waylon has lots of spare body fat!
Our little ones are making us gray very quickly. Fortunately they're cute to make up for it!
bless your heart Beth! I am going to be praying extra hard for you and Julia. I am so sorry that this first year has been such a hard time for you two :-(
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