Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Attachment Issues

I'm not one of those delusional parents who think my child is perfect. I figured out my child had issues before she was born even, but I really, really figured it out about 5 hours after she was born.

Before she was born: If I was on my side, her foot would slip and get wedged next to my ribs. She would repetitively try to get her foot "unstuck" until I moved. Poor thing didn't realize it was pretty useless to fight gravity. You could almost figure out that even Julia as a fetus was beyond pissed off that her foot was stuck. Mellow baby = NOT Julia.

So today I called the daycare director to talk about transitioning Miss J to the toddler room. My main concern was that the kid who turned 1 on Saturday has been transitioning for 2 months. Julia, well, she turns a year old next week and hasn't even seen the toddler room once. It was a soft nudge that perhaps they need to start introducing her to her new environment sooner rather than later.

The director tells me that Julia has attachment issues so it will be a difficult transition.

Yes, I know Julia has issues. She won't eat, she's clingy, she gets pissed off about a thousand times a day. It's a tad too early to enroll her in the anorexia program and the anger managment program I've been eyeing.

As a mother, I wonder if there's anything I can do about the attachment stuff. When the director says "attachment issues," I believe what she means is that Julia will only go to people she likes. She doesn't warm up quickly to most people. S and I kinda think that's a good thing. She's not going to be one of those kids who wanders off to help a stranger find a dog. She doesn't give kisses to random people (S especially finds this reassuring). But I know we need to work on her adjusting to change a little bit easier.

Alas, any tips would be great.

Allergist = June 22nd.

7 comments:

April said...

Ha! Well, it is my personal and absolutely unprofessional opinion that the director at your daycare is a complete and utter idiot! Every 1 year old has "attachment issues". Actually, every BABY over the age of like 6 months is generally a little picky about who they want holding them. There is nothing you can do about the attachment stuff. If Julia's issues seem more "in your face" than other 1 year olds, it is because she is fussy..and is because the child is in PAIN!

The way the director is putting it, you would think that Julia is misbehaving, and a big fat snob. She is a baby, all babies are different, but in my limited experience most babies get a little snobby around age 1 and that will last until they 4! I personally don't think it's natural to run and hug and kiss all over someone that you don't know. I think I would be more concerned about a kid who did that!

Leigh Ann said...

Oh, April, it's so funny you say that! Last night, the Schwan's man came to our house. A very sweet and HUGE giant of a man named Bill. Waylon is always a perfect angel when Bill comes. To the point where Bill asked us if he EVER cries(oh, YES, he cries!). Well, last night, I guess Waylon has seen him at our house every 2 weeks long enough and decided to introduce himself. He ran right up to this gentle giant and wrapped his arms around his leg. He picked him up and Waylon clung to him like he's known him forever. (well, I guess he kinda has lol) I think it made Bill's evening. And Ricky and I immediately decided that we are going to have to watch Waylon like a hawk around strangers!!! I'm with you April....Beth, be glad she doesn't go to strangers easily. That's a good thing for her protection!
And heck, if they don't start introducing her now, when are they ever going to do it? If you think about it they are making the problem worse by giving in to her. They should have been slowly introducing her 3 months ago if they knew she would have issues. Make sense?

B said...

Thanks for making me feel like I don't have the worst baby ever. It's funny how the director kinda thinks that, but those that tend to her most days think she's charming most of the time. I have a feeling that Julia doesn't like the director all that much, or she simply hasn't warmed up to her enough.

LA, Waylon has a thing for the Schwans man! How utterly adorable that he can attach like that. Doesn't he do the same thing at the doctor's office? Waylon's the most sociable baby.

April, whew, so all kids do it. Makes me feel a little bit better ... until I get told what new issues my kid has. :)

Marie Tere said...

Is there an urgency for her to be in the toddler room? What's the difference?

So she has attachment issues? You know it, we know it, so what! Many kids have attachment issues (I will be prying my 125lb 11 year old Alex from my side this summer when I send him to camp.)

Don't make any more meaning from the Director's statement that what it is. Her view.

Julia may have attachment issues as she graduates to the toddler room, but her record shows she will adjust. She did to daycare, right? She will adjust and charm the next group of staff she works with, maybe not the director, but I'm sure someone. How can you not be charmed by her!

Wendy said...

As Mischa is just like Miss J, I feel ya. We will be doing a toddler room transition soon as well, however, we will be doing it in another state, at another daycare, after a big move.

Personally, I think a fear of stangers and new situations is a good thing. It shows that they are still tentative about their environment and slow to build trust. Miss J will do just fine in her own time, that's why they're called "transitions" as opposed to "abrupt immersion".

Good luck at the allergist. Make sure they do the IgA and IgG in addition to the RAST test. Patch testing would be a good idea as well because it shows things that RAST and prick skin tests miss.

And if you find that anger management/anorexia program, let me know. I need to enroll Mischa too!

Leigh Ann said...

Oh, yes, please update us on the allergist visit!!

Leigh Ann said...

Oh, and they come steal him from me at the doctors office. lol And he just goes...and leaves me sitting there in the waiting room all alone. I'm always the only parent sitting there with no kid.