Small Talk for the Weary

Some days I feel like the most antisocial person in the world. When you narrow it down, it's really that I can't stand small talk with people I'm never going to see again. Who cares if it's raining or sunny? And why must I talk for 10 minutes about weather (which none of us can change) with a stranger? Oh, it's a way to soften the mood and establish a rapport with some stranger. See, I'm Sheldon from Big Bang Theory.

Fact 1: I'm still bitter about the whole Washington Mutual collapse and harbor mean feelings toward Chase. What has Chase done? Not much except get a great bargain when it acquired Wamu's assets and then changed all of the interiors of their banks to "more professional." Washington Mutual was very casual and had TVs scrolling with entertainment headlines. Somehow it seemed to work, people *thought* they were a respectable bank even though they were leveraged beyond their means. Oh well. Chase came in, and that place is "bankified" to the hilt with the little teller windows and professional dress instead of Wamu t-shirts.

Fact 2: Chase Online pisses me off. It has to recognize your computer or it won't let you log in. You have to go through this horrendous authentication process. I suppose it wouldn't be so horrendous if they hadn't said my e-mail address is invalid and only has my disconnected home phone number (by choice, we're cell phone only now). Since I can't authenticate either of those two ways, I'm kind of screwed because I can't check my bank balances online. Thank heavens for the iPhone Chase app...but still...pisses me off.


So today I have this reimbursement check from my job. For some reason, expense checks don't get automatically deposited. I would love that but not gonna happen. My goal is to get the check into my account. Since I have the whole antisocial personality disorder, I considered putting it in the ATM or night deposit. But it's over $100, and that would be a huge mess if it doesn't get credited. Not that it's ever happened, but I have trust issues with ATMS. I suck it up, and I go into the physical bank.

Wamu used to have one slip for deposits AND withdrawals. At this point, you probably think all Wamu did was have their employees sit in their t-shirts at non-teller windows smoking pot. Since the company did collapse, obviously there were problems in the company's infrastructure. But they made things very easy and comfortable for customers. I searched the stupid Chase customer station for the deposit slips. Fill the darn thing out, sign my check, and stand in line.



I get the chatty teller who wasn't from Wamu. If you must be a chatty teller, can you at least chat about the weather? It's like with chatty librarians. If you must be chatty, can you chat about something nonsensical? I despise librarians who chat with you about every book and movie you check out. They must give me their opinions on everything, or ask if I'm learning to crochet if I check out a book on crocheting. Should I say that I'm learning to crochet because I just met a man through the prison matchmaker service who has asked me to make him a blanket for his prison cell? I'm hoping he'll be so impressed with my crocheting ability that he'll propose. It will be a long engagement since he's doing time for a triple homicide, but in 2034 I can't wait to be a bride. Maybe that would shut the librarian up.



Anyhoo, here's a transcript of my deposit and what I'm thinking. Poor girl was just trying to engage me in conversation. And I was PO'ed at Chase and Chase Online for reasons beyond this teller's control.



Teller: How's your day going today?



Me: Fine



Teller: Are you doing anything special today?



Me: No. (Just credit my account, and I'll be out of your hair.)



Teller: Are you a teacher? (She saw where the check was from. I'm presuming she thought it was a payroll check.)



Me: No. (Yeah, I'm a stunning conversationalist. I'm sure you all will attest to that. One word responses are par for me. And now I'm a little irritated because she's reading things into checks. Just deposit the check, Lady.)



Teller: What do you do for them?



Me: (Haven't you gotten the hint, Lady?) Research



Teller: Do you like it?



Me: (Now I'm resorting to head gestures) Slight nod



Teller: What does your job entail?



Me: (Am I on a fricking job interview?) Financial stuff



Teller: Is it interesting?



Me: (Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! How long does it take to deposit a check?) Yeah



Teller: Is there anything else you need?



Me: (A stiff drink.) No thank you. Have a nice day.



Teller: You too, honey.