One Step at a Time

I've tried fairly hard all month, and I'm pleased to report that I finally dropped 1.8 pounds.  It took the whole freaking month, and I was starting to wonder if Stella (the scale) had been permanently set to that weight.

I don't normally like to talk about weight on here because I think the focus should be on getting healthy instead of a stupid number that really doesn't mean much.  It makes much more sense to focus on the variables to contribute to the number, like increasing exercise and decreasing calories... blah blah blah.   See, I know this intellectually.  But I wanted to see some sort of nominal reward to see that what I was doing was working.  Especially after a month, it gets a tad discouraging.

Another reason I don't like to talk about weight is that I know I don't have that much to lose. I'm 7 pounds over my high school weight, which isn't too bad after having a kid and being out of high school/community college for 15 years.  Not that I was necessarily skin and bones in high school, but no one ever called me fat (to my face).  In fact, the worst thing someone told me was by an old boyfriend.  I think he was meaning it as a compliment.  He said I have child-bearing hips.  So glad I got rid of that chauvinistic asshat!

I really like to exercise.  I love to walk.  I love circuit training.  I love targeted exercises.  I could never get into running though.  I can do it for a few minutes at a time, but then I lose all interest & it becomes tedious.  Never liked running in PE - absolutely hated it.  I started training last year, and I still despised the whole concept of running.  I wish I liked it because then I could do 5K and half marathons just like it seems like every other person in the world is doing.  At some point, you just have to be honest with yourself and admit that you tried it and it's just not your thing.  Fortunately there are 1,000 other ways to get exercise in this world!

My main problem is my eating.  It always has been.  I eat reasonably healthy, but then I screw it all up by binging on crappy food.  I know the root of my binging tendencies are bad coping reactions to anxiety and stress.  I know this, but it's hard to not have coping mechanisms.

And binge eating is a lot better than other coping mechanisms, right?  I'm not a chain smoker or an alcoholic or a gambler or morbidly obese or even obese.  Then I read all the articles that say if you carry weight in your stomach, then you're more likely to have health problems.  Well, I don't really carry weight in my stomach, other than a bit of residue from being pregnant.  So after reading those articles, I give myself even more of a free pass for my chosen coping mechanism.

Still, at the end of my self-talk, I come back to the fact that I really feel like I need to conquer my binging addiction.  It's not healthy; it will just cause more problems down the road.  And if I get it in check now, then I'll feel better physically and emotionally. 

I'd like to lose 12 pounds by New Year's.  My exercise is going well; I just need to keep at it, which won't be a problem.  Food, alas, will continue to be a struggle.  Until I can get over that mental hurdle and realize that food is simply nourishment and not anything more, it will be one small step at a time.