More has been coming out about my brother-in-law's "emotional affair." It's more like it's not just an emotional affair. Really?! *sarcasm* Does it surprise me? No, and I wish it did. Does it disappoint me? Yep. Do I care? Yes and no. Do I think this was the first affair? Nope.
First of all, brother-in-law is a complete coward. Why do guys decide to NOT break up with their current wife/girlfriend before getting another one? Why must there be a girl in the queue, so to speak, before they just let go of the first one? I try not to speak in generalities most of the time, but this does seem to be a theme. I don't exonerate girls of doing the same thing. If you have a miserable relationship, just end the dang thing! It's okay to be single. It's NOT the end of the world to be on your own for a while. Brother-in-law made his world 100x worse by cheating on her (and her finding out) than it would have been had he just picked up his stuff and said, "I'm outta here" with his head held high.
I get that he was unhappy and miserable in his relationship. Sister-in-law is one of the very few people in this world that I cannot stand. She's a whole bundle of personality disorders (hypochondriac, narcissistic, borderline, probably manic depressive, bitter, makes herself out to be a victim all the time). Living with that has got to suck. Almost 20 years of that is a prison sentence. Why he didn't leave after a few years is a mystery to me. It's not like they had kids right away. He had plenty of heads up before they had kids to decide to cut bait. He claims that he tried for almost two decades to make her happy (keep buying better houses, second homes, most of trying to keep her happy involved material possessions), and he finally realized that she was never going to be happy with anything he could give her. Duh, the rest of us could have told him that 17 years ago. It's not like she's the type to ever take personal responsibility for things she's even remotely responsible for (like her happiness). We completely understand his unhappiness in the situation.
Probably this other woman made him feel things he hasn't felt in many, many years. I get that too. He probably did have a real emotional connection to this other woman (or women, who knows how many); he realized what his life could be with someone else, someone who values him and respects him. He probably got so sucked into his miserable relationship with his wife for so many years that he forgot that things like attraction and respect could exist within a relationship.
What I don't get is why you would risk losing your kids and a significant amount of financial wealth by having a relationship (where you WILL get caught) with the other woman before you end it with your wife.
Does it really come down to the old saying that men really do think with their, ugh, unmentionable?
I do have to admit that logic was probably not involved in this whole thing. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it here or elsewhere, but brother-in-law has been a very weird subject for me. I do like him as a person, but I've always been extremely cautious around him and have never been alone with him. It's not that I didn't trust him, per se. It's more that I knew he would open up to me, and I'd prefer to think of him as an ass than as a person with thoughts and feelings.
What will be interesting is how his parents deal with all of this. Up until recently (when the extent of the affair was merely labeled as "emotional"), his parents actually seemed okay with it. They passionately disliked his wife, and if this was the impetus to him getting out of an awful relationship, then so be it. But now... it's hard to tell. They are hardcore Catholics. But they are also hardcore first son supporters. It will be interesting how they reconcile all of this in their heads. Will they excuse it? Will they think their son has sinned? They have found out, as sister-in-law called his parents on Thursday morning to rat him out. After the initial "emotional affair" stuff came out, they called us right away. After this new piece of information, they've quieted.
May I say how I am glad to NOT have this family drama on my side of the family as I am an only child? I have limited family drama since I only have 5 living family members (mom, stepdad, aunt, uncle, uncle). Considering they are all above 60 years old, I hope I don't have to deal with any of them having "emotional" or more illicit affairs. Husband's family is keeping me too occupied right now.
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