I have the hardest time with the most basic of things. I mean, I can amortize loans and do calculus derivatives in my head, but I cannot walk and chew gum at the same time.
Know what else I can't do?
I cannot figure out which one is the salt shaker. Do you know how many times I've added pepper to a recipe instead of salt? And it was a cookie recipe, not a chicken marinade recipe.
My husband laughs at my ineptitude. Every freaking time I am presented with the salt/pepper dilemma, this is how it goes.
1. I try to make do as much as possible before going for the salt/pepper. Assuming the food is not palatable without seasoning (you know, if my mom is cooking), I begrudgingly grab the salt and pepper.
2. I hold one in each hand.
3. I think really hard (eyes closed), remembering my husband's mantra to me: "More holes is salt." I may even mouth it, which at his point my husband has paused whatever else he is doing to observe my incredible inability to figure this out.
4. I open my eyes and compare the two side-by-side.
5. I say again, "More holes is salt" (because I've forgotten it in the past few seconds...thank you awful short-term memory!).
6. Figure out which one it is.
7. Sprinkle my spice.
8. Look at my husband smugly, showing that I figured out the conundrum in under 10 minutes.
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Know what else I have problems with? Figuring out the hot vs. the cold water. I am blind, so if I don't have a visual aid apparatus on, I seriously don't know which one is which. Until Husband told me there's a code: "Left faucet is hot."
Ooooooooooooh. Really?????
He looks at me oddly, reminds me that I'm over 30 years old, and I seriously HAVEN'T figured this out on my own yet?
B-b-b-but the bathtub faucet faces away, so that one is kind of backward if you turn it on when you're standing in front of it as opposed to when you're in the tub. Then hot is on the right, and my whole world schema is thrown out the window. Thus, I can't prejudge which side is cold because I could inadvertently scald myself!
He walks away, shaking his head that he could have ever married anyone so stupid.
8 comments:
They do have shakers that have large S and P on them. Maybe you should buy some new ones. (;
This is why you should only by salt shakers and pepper mills. Problem solved!
Oh, and the "left is hot" only works if you're dealing with plumbing done to code. I've lived in many 100+ year old homes and left isn't always hot...
I think the S & P will work. Hopefully raised letters too so as I get more visually impaired I can feel them. :) I like the look of the super tall ones with the peppermill, but I'm afraid I'm awfully klutzy and can see those falling all the time. The hand ground pepper is very enticing though.
See, I knew not prejudging the water positioning could be beneficial. In our basement bathroom the positioning was reversed, but of course I didn't notice until a guest told us.
I have the same problem on both accounts, but especially the figuring out the hot/cold water.
I actually don't think we use salt and pepper shakers. I know it's snotty, but I only use sea salt of varying coarseness, so I have multiple salt dishes. And electric salt and pepper mills.
I screw up the hot and cold water a lot though. My parents' house had different orientations in every bathroom so I just never knew. And nowadays, I forget so I get scalded often...
Oh, Wendy, not that you are at all picky... Being raised white trash like me is kind of nice because the Mortons can is completely acceptable to me. Memo to self: buy sea salt when Wendy visits.
I'm so with you two on the hot/cold. You can never presume unless it's your own bathroom and kitchen that you're familiar with.
When I visit, I'll bring you some nice salt. It's amazing what difference a good salt can make. Really, you can taste the difference. Picky? Me? I think I'm more fussy than picky...
Microsoft Word thinks fussy and picky are synonyms.
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