There's been someone I've known for quite a while, but we haven't really spent a lot of time together. She's one of those people I know at a distance, and it's okay. While I think she's a good person for the most part, there are a few hesitations I have about getting to know her more. Within the past 6 months or so, she's been really forward about us doing more stuff together.
And she IS interesting, smart, and several other good qualities. Again, there's some vague hesitation on my part to move to that next friendship level, whatever that level may be. I can't describe my hesitation well, but I trust that it's there for a reason. Even with that hesitation, she and I have quite a few engaging conversations. A number of times I've wanted to say, "If you read my blog..." or "I wrote about that a few months ago in my blog." We do have compatible ideas and views, and we do talk about some interesting concepts (at least to me).
One time recently with her I did say, "I wrote about that..." fumble, fumble "ummm...in college." And she looked at me like I was all kinds of weird, which I was because I just about spit out the truth and had to backpedal mid-sentence. I know that if I let it slip once, she will not stop hounding me until I let her see this blog. And I don't want her to. Why? I dunno, but I just don't have a good feeling about it. Some vague, indescribable, not good feeling. In every other respect, I do think she's a good friend. She remembers random crap about me and tells me when I might like a certain book or a certain store or a certain website. She makes an effort. A large part of me won't allow myself to take that leap into a deeper friendship with her.
Maybe there can be some compromise. Like I'll go out with her the next time she asks, but I follow my gut reaction to never disclose the existence of this. Something like that. I don't want to miss out on the opportunity, but at the same time I've got to trust my gut, which has rarely failed me over the years.
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