I hate getting one slanted side to the story. I realize that we all have our own different perspectives on things, and I also realize that we want to portray ourselves in a favorable light to others. It's human nature, I get that. I'm not immune to it and need to be kept in check as well.
Still, it's beyond annoying when you're trying to figure out the complete story, and you only hear tiny bits and pieces and when things don't make any logical sense and you try to politely point out things, and the person just ignores you and keeps going on their slanted rant. What that says to me is either the person is being extremely purposeful in feeding you the things he/she wants you to take in OR the person is so delusional that he/she can't see that there would be any other perspective. I find both options off-putting. Either the person is insulting my intelligence or is delusional.
I'm sure people find my constant questions annoying when I'm trying to understand the whole story. I suppose sometimes I can come off as a devil's advocate, supporting the other side, or I can put them on the spot with deeper questions that touch on more sensitive things that they don't want to think about and/or discuss. But hey, if you share first about a topic, then I feel I can ask more questions about that topic. With my good friends, they don't seem to mind and actually seem to appreciate the gentle challenge. I suppose that's why I like them so much because they tend to be more introspective than the average person.
Turn around is fair play. I like when people challenge my perspectives and values. Only a couple of good friends plus my husband ever really challenge me like that. Most people keep things very superficial. I suppose that's fine and dandy, but sometimes I'd like to take things to a higher level. I'd like to deal with more philosophical/introspective types of questions and talk about how to approach situations differently. I suppose that I want to find people who are wanting to grow as well and gently challenge me and my perspective. If I'm not pushed out of my comfort zone, I'm not really sure I'll ever go there on my own. You know what I mean?
Most of the time when you actually learn the whole and complete story, it's not one person's fault 100%. In any interaction, each person reacts to a number of things (body language, tone, actual words). Then you've got the history of past interactions, and the history can be quite deep. Actual interactions can be quite complex due to all of the factors, and each person does contribute to the dynamic. You can only control how you react to the other person. You can't control the other person.
I suppose that's why I'm leery when I hear someone's partial story about how another person is evil, and I just hear random snippets of the story. To get an accurate picture of what's going on, I need the entire story. Snippets merely frustrate me.
2 comments:
Blogging: The ultimate in slanted, one-sided stories.
I don't read many personal blogs (just this one, and SchwarzKatze and silentloner over on LJ), but the few that I do read have some recurring characters. I always wish that I could read these people's blogs as well, so that I could have a more complete picture of what's going on in the original blog author's life.
I know! Everyone should be mandated to blog. :D I enjoy hearing many different perspectives too.
Most people I know who blog have only one main topic, usually about their kids, as I tend to read women's blogs. I also read some people's blogs who were Blogs of Note in the past, but the things is...people usually shut them down after a year or two. Or change focus. Which is cool for them, but if I was reading sarcastic blogs about office politics, and now it's a blog about shoes...well, hmmmph.
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