The stench, oh, the stench

You’re walking through the mall, minding your own business, and then you smell it.  There's a suffocating stench of cheap cologne* that is permeating the air.  What is it? 

You’re 5 stores away from Abercrombie & Fitch. The stench only increases in pungency as you approach A & F.  Suffocating cheap cologne, deafening music**, almost complete utter darkness*** inside the store.  How can anyone find clothes in there when it’s darker than most nightclubs?  How can you be in a store full of that awful stench with the crazy loud music?  Why don’t people run screaming from that store?

I know, just put me in the senior citizen home for cranky old women.

After I bypass the store and the stench starts to slowly dissipate, I can get back into window shopping.  Only…wait!  The stupid stench is starting again!!!  Oh, golly gee, there’s a look alike store, only this one is just called Abercrombie.  What’s the difference between the two?  I have not a clue.  All I know is that the stench, loud music, and darkness are back.  If you consider all the square feet of common mall walking space that the stench has invaded, I’d estimate that at least a third of the mall smells like cheap cologne. 

How do they make the cheap cologne smell permeate so much of the mall?  How can people shop in there if you consider the horrid smell, the utter darkness, and the migraine-inducing music?  I must say that it’s a complete deterrent to anyone over the age of 25 from entering the store.  That’s probably their goal.  We the people over 25 are like vampires, and the music/lighting/cologne combination is like a big ol’ strand of garlic around their neck to keep us away.

*I like cologne.  Subtle cologne.  I like to want to smell a guy, but the thing is – I want to work at it.  The air has to be catching his cologne just so.  Or I have to get close enough to smell him.  When the country of China can smell you coming, it’s just not attractive.  Again, subtlety is the best strategy, at least in my humble opinion. 

** I like certain loud music, but not THAT loud music.

*** I love darkness.  It’s awesome.  But when colors and matching are involved, it’s nice to have some light to figure out what you’re looking at. If I can’t figure out if it’s purple or red when it’s on the rack, then that’s a problem.