Title-less

Poor husband is flummoxed by my post deleting.  Apparently he's not the most observant person because I delete posts rather frequently.

I love to speculate.  I love gossipy, trashy magazines.  I love hearing "the scoop."  People tell me crap.  I don't know why they do, but they do.

There's part of me that loves when my speculations come true.  There definitely is some smug satisfaction when that happens.  When we first knew each other, I swear that he thought I was a freaking prophet. Probably some of my allure was that I could predict how the chips would fall.  I'd like to say it's rocket science, but unfortunately people are far too predictable on the whole and go back to their same selfish underlying motives.

Beyond the smug satisfaction, I am often disappointed when my speculations turn out to be true.  As much as I'd like to believe that I try to see the best in people, I know that I often see the bad.  Affirmation that the negative view I have is indeed correct is terribly disappointing.  I want to be blown away by incredible displays of positive human character.  I know they are out there. If nothing else, I can go out there and try to make an attempt to be worthy of being that person.   

So, in conclusion for those who haven't figured it out, brother-in-law is indeed having some sort of relationship with another woman.  Am I shocked? No. Am I disappointed? Yes. Am I being told only one side of the story? Yes.

I worry about the kids.  Those are some of the most stressed out and dejected kids I have known.  There's something very wrong about a 7-year old who says, "I hope Mommy dies before Daddy."

Most of all, I hope for peace.