Thursday, September 3, 2009

Are you married?

I've been married going on 10 years now. I live in my isolated little vacuum of a world where I go to work, go to the grocery store, and amble about my neighborhood on walks a few nights a week. I haven't been to a bar in years.

Today at the grocery store a man comes up to me as I'm looking at chicken. "I know you!" Stunned, because no one ever recognizes me even if they've seen me a hundred times, I look at him. I KNOW I've never seen this dude before. I don't forget a face, and the only places I inhabit are mentioned in the above paragraph. Believe me, I don't get out. So I smile and say, "I don't recognize you offhand."

Then he says, "I do know you from somewhere." Pause. "Are you married?"

Now I must admit that I'm off in my little world a lot, and I have been out of the dating scene for almost a decade, but it even sunk through my bewildered brain. I was getting hit on!

And I look, errrrrrrr, down at the dude since he's short. And he has a big earring in his ear. It's about a 1 carat...something...likely cubic zirconia...I don't think it was a real diamond.

So not my type.

If someone's going to hit on me, can't it be a guy who would come sort of close to someone who I'd actually date?

I don't get hit on much. I don't know what par is for a married woman. I probably only get an unsolicited male offer once a year or so nowadays. I think it's kind of low. Back in the day, when I rode public transportation, I got hit on quite a bit. I was younger, skinnier, cuter, not married. That's all true. But it's also true that if you're a female riding public transportation and are less than 400 pounds, have your front teeth, and aren't sitting in a pile of your own poop... you're going to get hit on at least once a week. It's a simple fact. I just report the facts.

I've never been hit on by anyone "good." It was never my thing to strike up a conversation with some random person in public and then go out on a date with him. What if he was nuts? I wouldn't find that out til I was alone with him. I have to do a background check on him before I even consider a date.

I have had my share of "winners" that have hit on me. S loves to hear about them. Personally, I think it makes him feel better about himself.

- There was the mentally unstable, halfway house dude on the bus. That was a year long adventure in avoidance since he rode the same bus as me to the community college.

- There was Paul. Long story, but he attempted to strangle me at Decatur High School and was expelled for pulling a knife on me. Another crazy dude.

- There was the homeless guy in DC. Granted, I didn't have a coat and didn't realize the subway was closed until 6am. He offered to "keep me warm" kind.

- There was the dude who just got out of the Walla Walla prison for armed robbery. I was out with a friend, and he wouldn't leave me alone. Gotta give him props for being honest about his situation.

- Random drug addicted men who try to strike up a conversation over the years.

- And now the dude at Winco who was such the mack daddy with the faux bling in his ear and around his neck.

If someone is going to hit on me, why can't it be a "normal" person? Ah, probably because the "normal" ones don't try to strike up a conversation with a married lady. Gotcha.

Probably the best of the bunch was when I was out walking at lunchtime, and a guy who was running (I assume he was on his lunch hour) stopped next to me and asked me out for a mocha. I promptly told him I was married, and he said it was worth asking, and then jogged away. He seemed kinda normal for someone who would ask out a complete stranger. Could have been Ted Bundy 2.0, I suppose.

So how often do married women get hit on? I have no idea what is average.


Scrapping in Circles said...

I've been married for ten years now and I rarely get hit on. The fact that I almost always have my three kids with me probably is at least part of the reason. I think they tend to scare single men off.

My dh, on the other hand, gets hit on quite often when he's out with the three kids. Tonight at the park there was a lady flirting with him as she "gooed" over Baby Bear.

Why do women always go for men with kids, but men don't go for ladies with kids? Are women just more desperate? It's like the fact that some women go for married guys with the logic that they aren't afraid of commitment. Yet, if they cheat on their wives, how well do they really handle commitment? (BTW, my dh was wearing a wedding ring while the lady at the park was flirting with him).

Miss J's Mom said...

I love how you refer to everyone in your family so consistently as dh, Baby Bear, etc. :) Since, ya know, I know all your names. But you never know who's out there in cyberspace.

I should ask S if he gets hit on. He's out with Julia quite a bit.

I think it's so tacky of women to do that. What kind of thought process is that? Oooooh, a man with kids, I bet he would be a good father to my kids. Not even a glance for a ring.

April said...

I never get hit on anymore, but even back when i did get hit on from time to time, it was always some asshat that I would have never gone out with. Never really crazy folk, but just plain old stupid asshats.

Leigh Ann said...

I'm too darn busy these days to go anywhere to get hit on! But before I had Waylon, I can't recall all the times right off the top of my head. I used to go out partying with my girls quite a bit before Waylon. So, there were plenty of times. Probably too many. But that was the crowd I ran with and the places we went. Anywhoooooo... there was one time we went to a rod run(big hot rod car show) in Tennessee and one of Ricky's aquaintences proceeded to tell Ricky all the things he wanted to to with that hot blond over there(men are such pigs). Ricky had to tell him I was his wife (I went through a blond period)! Then one weekend at the race track when we used to camp out on the infield for the race all weekend, one of Ricky's friends(who I'd never met) asked him what the story on the red head was(what's with my hair colors, right?). He had to tell that guy that her story was that she was married to him! So, I guess I have been not only hit on personally, but vicariously through my husband. I'm sure it was a giant boost to his ego.
What is the normal amount? I don't know. I think it depends on how much you go out and where you are going. Back in my married partying days, quite a bit! Now with a baby and settled down, not so much.

Miss J's Mom said...

April, good term for those guys.

LA, that's cuz you're hot! And you say you're an introvert.

Leigh Ann said... me, I'm an introvert!!!! It was the group of girls I used to run with. They drug me all over tarnation! Those days were fun, but EXHAUSTING for me mentally. I am much happier being myself now. :0)

Tere Terry Teresa Mer or Marie, you choose said...

I'm laughing, smiling, picturing my B getting hit on at the store. I bet you turned the reddest red. I would have loved to see that.

I used to get hit on when we lived in "the hood". Only at the neighborhood Safeway. I'm pretty sure it was my big butt.

And believe me, they were no one I'd run away with!

Kelly said...

I haven't been hit on very often in the last few years, but the best was right in front of my husband. We had gone out for a drink - before babies - and the guy next to me just kept chatting and flirting and talking, and my husband never seemed quite so protective and attentive. :-) I have also found out that some guys througout my past would have hit on me but didn't think I would be interested, and didn't have the guts. What?!?! They were the good ones I was looking for and had no idea they were interested! Irony.