Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Playful - Immature

I'm kind of ashamed how much resentment I'm holding onto toward that ex that friended me.  Serious resentment from a long time ago.  He still never replied to my "how's it going" message.  Other than accepting his friend request, we have had no interaction.  It's one thing if it's someone you knew from work that you don't really interact with; it's just weird to do that with someone you have a history with and that did not end well (at least in my opinion).  I thought when I posted pictures from the wedding he would say something since he was the roommate of the one that got married.  Again, radio silence.  Of course I'm presuming he looked at them. I know him - and he would. 

So then I finally attempted to communicate and commented on something he posted last week. I tend to be on the playful side, especially when I don't know where I stand.  He did reply to me, but it was in a serious way and came across kind of snippy. Of course, I could be reading into it. 

It all comes back to the two of us being completely dysfunctional in all of our interactions.  I am playful to a certain extent. He really wasn't.  He always called me immature when I was playful.  Of all the adjectives used to describe me, "immature" isn't high on the list.  Actually, I think he's the only one who has ever described me that way.  Most of the time I'm serious, Type A, anxious, a people pleaser, and good at getting things done.  Back then I was resentful of his "immature" comments toward me. I attributed it to him being 4 years older than me - I was only 17 while he thought he was a much more worldly 21.  And he was more serious than I, which is saying a lot.  He didn't have a good sense of self, so he probably thought my playfulness was making fun of him when it wasn't.  I dunno.  All I know is our interactions involved me trying to get him to laugh, he calling me "immature," me getting resentful and mopey, him putting his hands on me, repeat the pattern. 

Now the same stupid pattern is emerging.  I try to get him to laugh, he shuts down (or I interpret it that way), I get mopey and resentful about it, and... well, I don't know what comes next. He basically still sees me as an immature 17 year old. I still see him as way too serious and not even good-looking anymore. 

I'll give him one more chance. I'll respond to something else, and I won't even be playful. I'll treat him like I treat Pompous Ass and see if I get a different reaction. If he responds in the way I interpret as "You're so immature," I'll just delete him.  The irritation and continuing our dysfunctional pattern aren't worth it.  I tried; we just don't mesh in any way, shape, or form.  We can't even be civil to each other.

To be continued with our possibly final interaction.

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