It's the Quiet Ones You Have To Watch Out For

Sunday, November 27, 2022

Blog greetings

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Friday, June 17, 2016

Last Day of School

It's the last day of second grade for my daughter. Of course I forgot to take the obligatory last day of school picture. Maybe it's not so obligatory compared to the first day of school picture. Of course, I didn't take that one either, but that's mainly because I was working two hours away that day. Today just blame my ineptitude.

Having a child is a way to relive your childhood and all your fears that you'd rather not relive. People don't tell you that before you have children. They should. On my daughter's first day of school, I'm nervous for her. On her last day of school, I wonder if any of her friends will try to connect with playdates over the summer. "Do I belong?" the child in me wonders. As for my daughter, I don't know what she wonders. Sometimes I ask, and I get the impression she makes something up--whether she doesn't want me to know the truth or doesn't know how to articulate her thoughts is up for debate.

Her teacher said this year, "She has a kind word for everyone." I like that. And she's honest. I have the kid that will say the honest, kind thing that might be somewhat awkward. "I like the pattern on your skirt," she might say to a girl whose skirt color is blinding. But she will search for something kind and honest to say.

Birthday Parties
If you have kids, you get into the swing of kid birthday parties pretty quickly. I enjoy a stereotypical kid's birthday party immensely. There's a beautiful script to it: go to a kid-friendly venue and play for an hour or so, eat a snack and cake, may or may not watch the birthday kid open presents from the kids attending, get a goodie bag.

Well, my daughter was invited to a birthday party a few weeks ago that deviated from the script only by a tiny, but noticeable, amount. At first I was annoyed beyond belief, but now I'm rolling with it because it's just a prelude of things to come.

First of all, the party was huge. Like 50 kids kind of huge. 50 kids in abstract doesn't seem like that many, but 50 kids in a tiny room next to a pool is gargantuan. My daughter didn't know the birthday girl tremendously well - they share a common interest and have been in the same common interest weekly class for this school year. For all I know, they sit next to each other each week, but I doubt it. My daughter really wanted to go to the party, but it was a swimming party and she loves that specific pool. So after the swimming part, they ate. And ran out of food. Then the birthday girl who turned 8 opened gifts, including one from her mom (WHY?). The birthday party script says you don't open parent gifts at the party, unless it's a family party. And guess what the bday kid got? Of course, a CELL PHONE! So all the other 8 year olds can see that this 8 year old got a freaking cell phone and can beg their parents for one too. Luckily, after the first week my daughter gave up asking.

It feels like the divide between how I raise my kid and how certain other parents raise their kids is growing bigger. Now it's getting easier to "read" the parents of a kid by just meeting the kid. As the kids are getting older, they are becoming more like their parents--for better or worse.

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Father's Day

Father's Day is coming up, and it will be a day on Facebook full of sappy tributes. My tribute to my dad isn't sappy, but it also isn't with ill intentions. It is what it is. Knowing that it could be misinterpreted, I very likely won't post this on Facebook. Please know that it isn't meant to be snarky or malicious; it's merely from my scant memories.

***

I was from a divorced home. My mom moved away from her hometown of Pittsburgh after her father died, and she and I moved to Middle of Nowhere, Texas (aka Muleshoe, TX) for a bit before moving to various other towns and occasionally--cities with an actual McDonalds. Part of the custody deal was that I got to see my dad two weeks during the summer. Back in the wild west of the 1980s, you paid the airlines $20 to take care of your unaccompanied minor. What this actually meant is that the airlines would pawn me off on a lone female passenger and upgrade her to first class for watching me during a layover in Chicago or Dallas. Ah, the simple 1980s.

I would get off the plane in Pittsburgh, and my dad (and sometimes my grandparents too) would be waiting for me at the gate. After the obligatory hugs and "how was your flight?," we would have awkward silences, as 8 year old me and my 35 year old father would try to find something to talk about. In my defense, there really wasn't anything to say about Muleshoe, TX (there's a statue of a mule!), so it would mostly be my dad updating me on his life and what was going on with my grandparents and uncle.

My dad wasn't that traditional dad. He couldn't figure out how to live independently, so he lived with his parents for the majority of his life--except when he was married to my mom. He couldn't pay his bills, despite not having to pay rent, and his cars would get repossessed on a regular basis. Most of the time he didn't even care about having a sheet on his bed, so he slept directly on his mattress in the basement of his parents' house. As for employment, it was spotty, probably because he couldn't get to work on time. Friends? Spotty. I honestly only interacted him for two weeks out of the year, but even as an 8 year old I could pick up on how much of a mess he was if you considered those boxes you mentally check when you meet someone: job _, living situation _, takes care of himself _, goal-oriented _.

But the thing was - he was a nice guy. He wanted you to like him. He'd buy you a drink and talk with you for an hour. Would he be someone you would want to date or would want to rely on? Probably not because most women would pick the guy who didn't live in his parents' basement and had sheets on his bed.

I think my dad suffered from depression and low self-esteem. He had health problems that he chose to ignore. He drank too much; he ate crap food for every meal. It was all very sad to watch, even if it was for only two weeks a year.

When I was there for those two weeks, my dad would usually still go to work. He sold flooring, and I still remember frightful outfits of dark brown polyester pants and pale yellow short sleeve shirts. I would wake him up around 9:30am. He'd go to work around 10am, and he'd sometimes come home around 7pm, pick me up, and take me to the bar. Or sometimes he'd go directly to the bar from work and come home at 11pm or 1am. Because Saturday was his busiest day in the flooring business, he'd usually work then. He'd usually have off Sundays and one weekday a week. On one of his days off, he'd take me to Kennywood, which was the awesome amusement park in the area. I loved Kennywood Day because I got to spend it with my dad. It was the most time we'd spend together during my visit. Usually he'd take me to a movie or two and dinner out. But most of the days he'd work and then either take me to the bar after work or be at the bar while I was home with my grandparents.

I spent a lot of time with in bars before I was 21. Again, it was the wild west in the 1980s, and kids could go to bars. My dad would either ply me with quarters to play pinball, or he'd be out of quarters and I would spin on the barstool next to him sipping on a Shirley Temple. Sometimes I'd sit on his lap and play video poker with him. He'd even let me push the buttons, which I know now was completely illegal.

I love the smell of bars to this day. I can sniff out the smell of stale beer. It reminds me of all that time I spent in the bar with my dad. I was usually the only kid (imagine that, most people don't take their kids to bars!) there, and I felt so adult doing anything in that setting.

On those trips, I'd probably only spend 40-60 hours with my dad. Most of it was spent with my grandparents, who were older and sickly. FYI, my grandfather had a favorite bar that he took me to and plied me with quarters for the pinball machine. In my mind, it was a classier bar than the one my dad took me to, mainly because my grandfather's bar was a private club. I don't know what the membership qualifications were, but it seemed to have the same clientele and less bar-like since everyone knew each other. Of the time I spent with my dad, 10 hours was at Kennywood, and I'd say at least another 20 hours I spent with him at bars. The other time was split between watching TV at home in the middle of the night, going out to restaurants and movies.

Memorable highlights from trips to see him:

- Him taking me to the circus and running out of gas. We ended up getting there just before it ended.

- The aforementioned playing video poker

- Him dropping me off at the library and then going to the bar and forgetting to pick me up.

- The decline

The summer visit I was 14 was ominous. My grandmother's health was in great decline. She had glaucoma, Alzheimer's, and a slew of other medical conditions. She was at the door trying to wave goodbye to me, but she was waving in completely the wrong direction and leaning against the door for support. I knew that would be the last time I saw her. Even more than that, I knew something was wrong with my dad. He was … off. In what way was difficult to pinpoint, and it could have just been sadness in seeing his mom in decline. Looking back now, I think he knew he was sick. My grandmother ended up dying 6 months after that, and a month after THAT he was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and soon unable to work or even take care of himself. I felt sorry for my grandfather who was the caretaker for my ill grandmother for over 10 years and then became my father's caretaker after his wife died.

All that being said, I enjoyed those two weeks in the summer. I appreciate getting to know my father more and spending some time with him. While he wasn't the kind of guy Father's Day cards are written for, he did the best he could with what he had. And that's all we can ask for.

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Sugar

If there's been one consistency in my life, it is my dear friend Sugar. Sugar with a capital "S" because it is always with me. I'm never an hour or two from my favorite vice.

So with much trepidation I gave up sugar - namely desserts - for Lent 42 days ago. (Let's not even go into that Lent is more than 40 days or why I'm participating in Lent because my relationship with Catholicism is tenuous at best.) I didn't give up fruit, and I know that can be divisive. I did try to stick to berries and an occasional banana, apple or orange.

I resisted a chocolate fudge cake at a baby shower. I resisted several yummy-looking desserts at a party. I looked mournfully at Legendary Doughnuts as I drove by every week.

It was difficult but not impossible. They say it takes three weeks to develop a new habit. No, not long enough! But I did turn to substitutes. Probably my biggest substitute was cheeseburgers. My cheeseburger intake was insane.

Which leads me to...I wish I had a before and after CBC (blood panel) done. I would be interested in knowing my glucose (sugar?) levels before and after. I would bet a lot of money that my cholesterol went way up. My whole life with mainly white meat/fish and then a huge influx of fatty beef? And who would have predicted that taking desserts from me would make me become such a carnivore??? That was completely unexpected.

I've never eliminated sugar so much from my diet. In fact, I had a few days in the past month where I ate 0 grams of sugar, which I don't think has EVER happened for me. In the past whenever I went on anything close to a traditional diet, I would mainly focus on keeping my daily calories within a specified number. I didn't necessarily ban a specific food or my favorite foods. I just ate a smaller portion of it.

In weeks 2-4 of my Lenten experiment, I lost 8 pounds. Same calories per day, but merely cutting down the sugar gram intake and basically substituting cheeseburgers. In the first few weeks, I was still eating my much-loved Lara Bars...until I realized they had 26 grams of sugar in them!!!! Then I switched to a bar with 0 sugar grams. But, yeah, 8 pounds in a month, which puts me comfortably in the normal BMI range and into jeans I haven't been able to fit in many, many years.

Weeks 5-7 haven't brought me any weight loss. I've actually cut back on the cheeseburgers (my cholesterol is thanking me!) after getting burnt out on them, and I've seemingly plateaued.

Here's what I ate yesterday:

2 salmon burgers (Trident brand, found at Costco in the orange bag)
2 cups of mashed potatoes with a bit of butter...I really love mashed potatoes.
1.5 cups of blueberries (frozen, found at Costco)
2/3 cup of almond milk (Blue Diamond)
8 oz baby spinach (Costco...see a theme?)
Think thin bar (Business Costco...peanut butter flavor is my fave....0 grams of sugar)
1/2 cup buttered noodles

It's not perfect, but I know when I'm having a "must have carbs!" moment and try to fulfill it in a better way than eating 12 cookies.

I've also figured out what the dessert I most crave is. Apple fritters. I would have thought it was 20 different things, but the consistent craving I've had over this month+ is apple fritters. The hard outer shell coated with glaze. So really I'm only craving the outside of an apple fritter. I don't even need the dough inside.

What I hope will stay with me after Lent ends: Cut back on sugar. When I looked at nutrition fact labels in the past, I mainly looked at three things: calories, fat, ingredients list. Things like Lara bars slipped by me because it passed my three criteria. Now I know I also need to look at the sugar grams. I don't need to be a sugar Nazi, but making sure I stay within a reasonable sugar threshold per day would be good. Since I've never done that before, that could be a wise step for me.

I just looked it up. A Snickers bar has 27 grams of sugar, and a Lara Bar has 26 grams of sugar. The World Health Organization recommends 25 grams of sugar per day.

I wonder what my daily sugar intake used to be. Back to that blood panel, wish I had gotten that done.

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Two random irritations

Sometimes something just irritates you for no particular reasons. Sure, the reason it irritates you may be because of some repressed association with something else that irritates you. Or there may be no logical reason at all.

Here are the two things that have irritated me in the last week for no apparent reason:

1 - People who have their phone set to make that obnoxious clicking noise every time they hit a button on their phones. WHY?! Most of the time these people are over age 60. And they sit next to me. So I hear click-pause-click-click-long pause-click-pause-clickclickclick. Like they're punching out Morse code on that dang thing. WHY?! Does it remind them of Morse code? I want to grab it from them and turn off that stupid setting.

2 - The term "babe." It grates on me like fingernails on a chalkboard. Thankfully, I've never been called by that term. Hate hate hate it. Do I know why? No. It makes me bristle--when women use it for men, when men use it for women. Have I ever had any bad experiences with the term? Not that I can think of because I have never been called it. It seems like a generic term of endearment because the person is too lazy to learn your name. Lazy, I guess that's my problem with it. Although I don't usually find lazy terms so loathsome.

Those are my random rants of the day. For no particular reason.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Things that stress me out, including Unstable Dictators

A more apt name for this post would be "Things That Don't Stress Me Out." But that would end up being a blank post.

I feel so anxious...all of the time. I don't know why I don't have a Xanax prescription because whoo-eee I need one. I guess it's the whole "I don't like doctors" thing that outweighs the "I'm a freaking mess" thing.

This week's thing that REALLY stresses me out is my daughter's problem with her friend. See, her friend has a bit of ... issues. I understand because I have issues too. Different issues than her issues, but issues nonetheless.

Her friend wants to be a cat. Or play Legos. My daughter doesn't really like being a cat or playing Legos. She wants to be a dog and jump rope. Why is this a problem? Because all school year my daughter has played cats and Legos. She is getting tired of playing cats and Legos. She has delicately brought up the dog and jump rope alternative to her friend, but her friend insists on playing cats and Legos. My daughter finally told me that she's not really into it.

This all follows a horrible play date where I took my daughter and this same friend to the park to ride their bikes. Well, the friend really doesn't know how to ride her bike. Instead of trying, there was helmet throwing, screaming, not talking, and then once we got back to my house, she locked herself in our bathroom.

Side note: I've never dealt with this with my own kid so I didn't know how to deal with this.

THEN I went to school the next week, and her friend shut my daughter out because she was mad at something else that happened with her own mother.

SO I kind of think her friend is a bit unstable.

THEN since I am still emotionally scarred from their horrible play date, I haven't offered to have her friend over. This past weekend her friend's mom invited my daughter over. My daughter was forced to play Legos. It wasn't enjoyable for her because her friend is REALLY into Legos and has no patience for my daughter incorrectly putting Legos together.

I forgot about the horrible Halloween meetup. They trick or treated together for about 5 minutes before her friend had a freak out about rain...it's freaking Seattle.

So, anyway, her little friend is reminding me of an unstable dictator. Particularly lately. This wouldn't be so bad except for the Unstable Dictator has tried to cut off my daughter's ties with her other friends like some David Koresh wannabe. My daughter describes the stuff her friend does...some that I saw for myself at aforementioned horrible play dates...so my daughter doesn't want to "upset" her.

My daughter is sweet and kind (she did win that Kindness Award, after all ;) ). She wants to be a good friend. You could say from some of the warning flags I've seen that I've become more curious about their dynamics. From what I see, this girl seems like she only is willing to play what she wants to and will play mind games to strong arm my daughter.

And I'm like, "Oh hell no. We're nipping this shidizzle in the bud."

Commence 1 hour discussion with my daughter. I'm not great at it. I never had the inclination to talk about problems with my mother, and I doubted she'd be a help anyway. I find it emotionally exhausting to role play it out and talk through it, but I did it with my daughter. I so appreciate that my daughter is willing to share.

The gist of what I told her is that she's such a good friend. In a friendship, though, you compromise. And if the Unstable Dictator, errrr friend, will never compromise, then sometimes you need to find someone else who wants to play doggies with you. Unstable Dictator may freeze you out for a while, but she'll get over it.

Stupid me invited Unstable Dictator over for a sleepover next month.

Have I ever said that the worst thing about having a child is reliving everything that gave you anxiety as a child all over again? For people who got anxiety from EVERYthing, this is especially problematic.

Sunday, January 10, 2016

Mission: Kindness

My New Year's resolution is to be kind(er). Think before I speak or type more. Encourage more. Lift people up more. Compliment more.

Blogs, for the most part, seem a place to complain. So the blogging thing could be more challenging if I fully embrace my New Year's resolution.

Because, really, who wants to read a blog of motivational phrases? Honestly, not me. And probably not for anyone who reads this. Does anyone still read this???

The one year I don't make a resolution tied to health/fitness/eating better is of course the one year that I'm 10 days in and doing pretty well at it. So far. Today's my birthday (one hour in), and that's usually the day I go off the rails and never get back on. So we'll see. I just ran for half an hour--I'm always one who would rather exercise at night than in the morning. I've been doing HIIT too. Reining in the sugar. My diet is usually impeccable (veggies, salad without dressing, chicken/fish, almonds, apples) combined with crappy (anything with sugar). I've been trying to limit the crappy to a small amount. We'll see.

The dilemma is that I don't have a huge incentive. I mean, so far my bloodwork has been good. Last year I conquered wearing a bathing suit in public. I'm not technically overweight (although of course I should lose weight because I'm at the higher end of "normal"). Sure, I feel better when I'm challenging myself physically, tend to sleep better, etc. Being healthier now increases the likelihood that I'll stay healthier later. I get all that. I'm just at that point where the discipline and effort and withdrawal put in seems to psychologically exceed the rewards.

Wah, I want a cookie!!!

Saturday, November 28, 2015

This and that

Sometimes it feels like Blogspot is a time machine back to 2008-2010. It seemed like so many people were doing blogs back then, and one day it all just stopped. I guess Facebook replaced it with status updates? It's like a ghost town here. As I look through my blog subscriptions, I wonder what all these people have been doing since their last post in 2010. That's almost 6 years! There are actually very few of my blog subscriptions that I'm friends with on Facebook. More on Myspace, but Myspace is more desolate than Blogspot. So I guess I'll never find out. Is Melanie still with CJ? Did Una publish a new book? Did she have another child?

I've done four NaNoWriMos so far. I started my 2015 NaNo back in August, but I only got about 20,000 words prior to November, and I have written zilch during November. I'd like to complete it, not because it's terrific but because I feel compelled to complete things. Even if it's not a worthwhile thing that I've left undone, I want to cross it off my list. I can crank out 50,000 words--particularly if quality isn't a factor.

I need to get going on a Blogger project, if only so I'd write on a consistent basis.

The in-laws are coming for Christmas. While they're here, my husband and I are going on a short trip by ourselves. I'm really looking forward to that. We got a room with a fireplace overlooking the river.

Saturday, October 31, 2015

Path not taken

Most of the guys I dated back in high school and college started out as my friend, usually for months but some for years. By the time we started dating, I usually knew them really well, knew their parents, and the transition to dating was almost seamless.

There was one guy where that didn't happen. We met on one of the first days when I went off to college. We met each other in the hallway, and I was taken by his attractiveness and the way he interacted with the world. We started dating within a few days of meeting, and it was a tumultuous relationship. Back then I would have said that we argued quite a lot. I honestly am not that argumentative of a person, but for some reason he was good at irritating me in a way that compelled me to be sassier than I ordinarily am.

He was 4 years older than me (21 to my 17), and at the time he wanted to get married. I didn't want to get married for a whole slew of reasons, but namely because I was 17. He said I was "immature," which has always stayed with me because never since has anyone else ever called me that.

We broke up. He met a pregnant girl with another child, and they quickly got married.

Throughout the years, I've often thought about him. Not that I missed him or our fights, but he was a distinct path I passed up. I never thought I made an incorrect decision in not marrying him, let me be clear. But I wondered what that alternate universe would have looked like. Would I be happy? Would we have had children? What would a day in that life look like?

Back in college we never talked about important things, like politics. Despite that, I think our different views and philosophies came out because we disagreed on just about everything. Even though we both had idealistic parts to us, we were idealistic in very different ways. We disagreed on the definition of "fairness." We had different views on what a relationship should be and our roles in it.

A few years ago he friended me on Facebook. I was astounded and rather apprehensive of it. But through being his friend, I got a glimpse of what that path would have been like. I saw what he was proud of in terms of his family and possessions, I learned about his job, I saw what he valued, I saw the memes he shared.

And frankly most of it is very scary. He is a conservative nutjob. He hates Obama, loves the NRA, spanks his children, enjoys Nascar, and basically would fit in well in a Southern state where he can drink Budweiser and then practice shooting the cans with his shotgun that he carries around in his 1970s battered pickup truck. He's gained a lot of weight. He lives in a mobile home. He is a licensed nursing assistant.

He sticks out like a sore thumb in my news feed. I mutter responses to his posts (because it seems better than typing out a response and starting a Facebook argument). But mostly…I am so happy that I didn't go down that path with him. It probably wouldn't have lasted long anyway.

Aside from the relief that I immensely feel now (thank you, Facebook!), I feel like when I think of him, I can think of those months we were together and remember the good times. As frustrating as much of it was, we had fun spontaneous trips, romantic walks in the snow, and we both had incredible zeal for ice cream.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Long Hiatus

It feels good to be back after a long hiatus--mostly caused by the weirdest work assignment I've ever been given. If I told you what I normally do and then what I did for September, you'd go, "Huh?"

So did I. I said on numerous occasions, "It makes absolutely NO sense for me to be doing this."

After the longest blogging hiatus I've ever had on here and being back for a couple of weeks now...oh, and my in-laws were at my house for two weeks. They'll be back in December for a week at Christmas, and then they'll be back in May. While I don't mind that they're coming for Christmas, they add a lot of pressure in terms of them liking to put on a show...elaborate feast, decorations, gifts, the whole bit. My husband and I are more minimalist. And I also feel a little shortchanged about my vacation since I get that week off, and now they'll be here. So instead of lounging around and reading, I'm going to be doing more cooking, cleaning, decorating, and other crap than I want to do around the holidays.

Yes, I'm a lazy Christmas person. I am the gift giver who gives gift cards to family. For friends I'll make their favorite cookies. I love honing in on your favorite cookie. If I may add another Christmas sin, I only send Christmas cards to people who send me Christmas cards.

I came back from my September experience 3 pounds heavier (eating out for every meal for a month) and feeling behind in my normal work, my personal life and other things I'm doing.

I feel New Years Resolution-y because I need to become more focused.

That is another post.

In the meantime, I'm back.

Monday, August 10, 2015

Fitbit Charge HR Review

I've had a Fitbit Charge HR for almost two weeks now. I really like it!

I was initially interested in a fitness tracker back in early 2014 (or was it 2013?). My husband got me a BodyBug for Valentine's Day, which required a separate monthly subscription after the free three-month trial. I liked that it kept track of my heart rate, but it was quite visible. You put it around your upper arm, and it was quite lumpy under clothes and even more obvious when wearing tank tops. I did the three-month trial, liked it, but didn't continue because I'm apparently more vain than I think I am...and cheap. The $7/month fee seemed a bit steep.

I had been eyeing the Fitbit for a while, but it seemed like an overpriced pedometer. When the Charge HR came out, I was a bit more intrigued because it kept track of your heart rate (much like the BodyBug), but it was easier to wear. And these days it seems like at least a third of people my age wear some fitness tracker.

So I bought one in a moment of weakness almost two weeks ago. It's pretty awesome, especially the social media aspect of it. You can easily find friends if you link it up to Facebook, and then you get invited to challenges. If you have any competitive spirit, you get sucked into doing your best on challenges.

Since my frame of reference is the BodyBug, I'll do a little comparison to that. I think the BodyBug was better at tracking sleep. I get a bit of funkiness in the Fitbit Charge HR sleep reporting that the BodyBug didn't seem to have. As mentioned previously, the Fitbit Charge HR is less obtrusive, and it has the social media element that the BodyBug didn't have.

Now let me go over a few features of the Fitbit Charge HR and my general sense after only wearing it for 2 weeks:

Sleep

If I read in bed before falling asleep, it usually counts it as sleep even though it's not. If you take a nap for less than an hour, it doesn't recognize it as such. The false readings may cancel each other out in some people, but I think overall it slightly overestimates the amount of sleep you're getting. This is the one area where the BodyBug was superior.

Heart Rate Monitor

I've seen several reviews that say the Fitbit's heart rate monitor isn't the best, particularly if you're doing high intensity interval training. My personal fitness regiment doesn't include that type of training, so I can't speak to it. I do a lot of walking, some jogging, and weights. The weights are for toning, and I know there's not much "exercise" as it's traditionally defined while doing it.

Because the Fitbit is mainly a pedometer, it encourages activities like walking and running. If you do activities that you can't do with the Fitbit (like swimming) or the Fitbit doesn't give you credit for (heavy weights), then you might want a different tracker.

If you choose to record specific workouts, then you get good data on your heart rate during the workout, provided that it includes walking/running/climbing. If you don't choose to record the workout, then you can't get data on your workout as a whole. However, you can look at what your heart rate is while you are doing the workout.

I find it's helpful to use the "check your heart rate" feature to see approximately what your heart rate is based on your exertion level. If I feel like I'm really pushing it, then it makes me feel good if my heart rate is over 150.

Pedometer Function

Every 2,360 steps for me seems to equate to a mile in distance traveled.

Calories In/ Calories Out

I told the Fitbit that I wanted a goal of losing a pound per week (500 calorie deficit per day). I love the concept that it takes into account the food I log as well as the exercise I've done throughout the day. I find it's easier to cut yourself off from food using the Fitbit. Oops, out of calories, you either have to get off your butt or put down the cookie.

I've only gone over calories once since I've had it. Every other day I have created that 500 calorie deficit.

However...I have a problem with understanding/interpreting the Fitbit during the middle of the day.

So it's around noon right now. I've eaten 501 calories so far today. But it says I have 714 calories left to eat, which doesn't make sense because that implies I have a 1,215 calorie/day limit. Not true! I have a 1,600/day limit + can eat anything I burn over 2,100 calories/day. By the end of the day, it makes sense, but in the middle of the day I have problems understanding the "calories left" field. It seems extremely low.

Overall

I am so glad I bought the Fitbit Charge HR! A small part of me is skeptical about the calories burned field because it seems kind of high, and it's fairly easy to get a 500 day/calorie deficit. I'll have to come back and see if it affects my long-term weight. I have lost 2 pounds in the 2 weeks, but it's really hard to determine if that is solely because of the Fitbit or due to any other reason.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Facebook Types

There a few Facebook types that annoy me. Not specific people, but broad areas of people. What types annoy you?

Several years ago I did a Facebook cleaning and got it down to a very small number of people. It's grown again, and before I do something rash and wipe out 3/4 of my friends list like I did last time, I'm going to attempt a cathartic list of annoyances. There are at least a few people (or 20+) in each of these groups. Again, not singling anyone out and in no particular order.

Bible quoters - Do they expect people to read a quote, have an epiphany, and ask them how to get closer to God?

Pyramid schemers - No, I don't want to go to your "party" and buy the useless crap you're hawking. I don't want to see your daily or even more frequent posts about how your chosen pyramid scheme has changed your life.

Political posts - I'm liberal, but I don't like seeing posts from either extreme. I'm not going to change anyone's mind politically; they're not going to change mine. I don't even find the ones that are intended to be funny as anything other than propaganda.

Selfies/pictures of your child 2+ times per day (only exception is before/after pics like hair cuts and other transformations) on a regular basis - I know, your child has done 12 cute things between breakfast and lunch. Put them in the baby book instead. As for selfies, print them out and line your bedroom with them instead. You'll soon have your dream of looking at yourself as much as you want. I think 2 selfies/kid pics per WEEK is a reasonable number, outside of a batch upload.

Perpetual pity party people - Crap happens to everyone, but when "woe is me" outnumber interesting observations/polls/neutral/happy posts, I wish I could send some Prozac virtually.

GoFundMes - Actually these are specific posts and not people, but they are annoying nonetheless. Yes, there is legitimate need out there. As a liberal, I think the government should play an active role in objectively determining need based on a rubric and re-distributing wealth. It's not a perfect system, but sorting through hundreds of sob stories is emotionally wearing, not productive, and makes me think of all of these questions that I'd like answered before I even consider giving money. For example, if someone is collecting money for legal fees to get custody of their kids, I want to know how custody was lost originally, the facts in that case, what has changed, is the person worthy of having custody, what's the other side of the story, etc.

Friday, July 17, 2015

Generosity

I hope I'm not alone in that I sometimes wish I could hit the "redo" button in life. I say something stupid, I do something stupid, there's a litany of mistakes I make. Most of these are relatively minor things that occur throughout the course of a day.

One big thing I wish I could redo is my upbringing. Hit reset, plunk myself down as a baby into a very different environment (two-parent, stable home with traditional parents where mom makes me cookies and dad has a decent job and gives me a parent speech once in a while). I wonder if I'd be in a different place now and perhaps feel differently about my place in the world.

Both of my parents didn't talk much. My mom and dad divorced when I was very young. As I've stated before, he never got his act together; holding down a job and paying his car payment was too tough for him even though he lived at home rent-free. His parents spoiled him and weren't communicative; that's how he ended up like that. His origin story was easy to determine, especially since I experienced my dad's parents first-hand and my uncle was happy to fill in any gaps on how my dad was the "favorite child."

My mom's more complicated. My grandmother died before I was born, and my grandfather died when I was 5. He was great, as I remember. My mom has a lot of defenses built up. She will not admit to being wrong, and she becomes defensive at the slightest comment. She's over-the-top rigid about everything. For example, laundry. She folds her dirty clothes. She washes clothes on a specific day of the week at a specific time. If you call her and ask her to do something at laundry time, she won't go because it's laundry time, even though she hasn't started the laundry, and she has a washer and dryer in her home. She doesn't talk about feelings. She's extremely critical, and I always feel judged around her. And she's rather negative…about everything.

She's also not very generous--with compliments, time, money, the whole bit. If there's a way I could only pick one of the qualities I could unlearn from her, it would be this. She gives crappy, cheap gifts off the clearance rack most of the time. When I was young, I learned to have no expectations of gifts from her because it would be whatever was on the 80% off rack at Target. If someone calls her and asks to do something, she will make inane excuses like doing laundry she hasn't started yet. Or do that exaggerated sigh like you're putting her out. If you have a conversation with her, she will inevitably cut you down as well as many other people. When I was younger, she didn't want to pay for me to have a yearbook or even give me money for friends' birthday gifts before I could earn my own money. She gives 10% tips or less at restaurants even if the service is good. She only gets her hair cut when there are those $6 haircut deals at Great Clips, and then she gives a $1 tip off the $6 hair cut. That's my mom.

Full disclosure: She's giving most of her significant assets away to charity when she dies. THAT is generous, but I feel that there's something said for living a generous life and not just leaving a generous legacy.

I don't feel that I was particularly generous growing up mainly because my only model for such behavior was my mom. Compared to most "normal" people, I feel behind on the generous curve. I see my mother's ways and know that they are way too stingy. I think I've moved myself from where she raised me to a "better" place. I am frugal in many areas, but in others I try to be more "normal." I tip 18-25% at restaurants (rarely over 25% though). I may get the $6 hair cut deal, but depending on how much time they spend with me, I'll tip anywhere from $4-10 on it because I'm still saving money in aggregate, and they're getting a tip more commensurate with how much the hair cut would actually be. If people ask for help/have a question, I try to get back to them ASAP. I try to be more deliberate about complimenting people, but I could probably be a whole lot better. I buy my daughter the school yearbook.

My mom's a big literal and figurative scorekeeper about life. I did this one favor for you, and now you owe me. And I'd say she gets resentful very easily if she thinks she's done more for you than you have for her. She taught me the scorecard, not explicitly but in her words and actions. And I now have that stupid scorecard in my head. I intellectually know it's meaningless and doesn't matter, but I can't get it out of my head. Scorekeeping isn't generous. It's not something I can just will to go away either.

So I work on the concept. My husband is very generous. My friends are generous. I have numerous examples of how I WANT to be. But 18 years of ingrained stinginess is difficult to eliminate. I just take the chisel and start picking away at it.

And then my mom will call and muck it all up. Seriously. She focuses on the "I'm being taken advantage of" element of everything.

She calls me. This was late last week, my most recent interaction with her. After very little in the way of formalities, she starts.

Mom: "I'm going to Anaheim for a conference in October. There are a lot of hotels we can stay at. Which one are you staying next month at Disneyland?"

Me: "Red Lion."

Mom: "Let me see. That one's $149 a night. Is that more or less than you're paying?"

Me: "I don't know." (I don't because I booked it on Expedia, and each night was a different price, long story but I did two different reservations.) "I think mine was a little bit less though."

Mom: "These conferences don't get good rates. I think they take advantage of so many people coming at the same time. I was thinking I could get a better rate if I booked it myself. But they told us not to do that…" Rant continues for a few more minutes as I glaze over.

We went on a mini vacation a couple months ago. I say where we're going, and her first statement is: "That's expensive." Actually, she says that about everything.

I need to quote more conversations with my mother. EVERYTHING she says revolves around money and things being too expensive. The implication seems to be that I should be like her and buy food from the dented can store, never do anything that costs money, never buy anything, and basically count my nickels daily like Ebeneezer Scrooge. Needless to say, it's not that enjoyable to hang out with her, and why I frequently think about that "redo" button on being raised by a more generous person/family.

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Clothes

I form attachments to useless items--worn, sad items that have absolutely no market value. But I'm not a hoarder, I swear, so it's an interesting contradiction. I still have my feather pillow from childhood, one that I can frankly pick out by smell alone because it's a really old feather pillow that you can't wash, but I still use it every day. In other words, it has an interesting fragrance. Other things I've actually parted with, either throwing away or giving away. Some of which I've regretted disposing of, and others weren't even mine in the first place.

I just read a fun book that was a collection of short excerpts with a picture of a piece of clothing and then the reason why that piece of clothing is so special to its owner. The sentimental part of me loves this kind of book that shows how people can be attached by memories to a piece of clothing.

So I wanted to do something like that. Unfortunately, I don't have pictures because I don't own them anymore…or never owned them.

Purple velcro sneakers - As a little kid (circa ages 6-7), I loved these sneakers. It was probably just because they were velcro and a cool shade of purple. I wore them with everything. I kept insisting I fit into them even after it was logistically impossible for my feet to fit into them. I literally cried when my mom threw them away. I think those shoes were my first love.

My first boyfriend's brown leather jacket - He always wore that leather jacket unless it was 90 degrees or warmer. I loved everything about it. It had an identifiable smell. My boyfriend smoked, but tried to hide it under waves of cologne, so it had a vaguely smoky, cologne-y, sweaty, intoxicating smell. I think my boyfriend loved all its storage space because he had just about everything in it, and consequently it had the weight of one of those lead coats they put on you at the dentist office to protect you from the X-rays. I always wondered what he carried around in that jacket, so I'd just watch--captivated--when he searched it. If I ever observed him rooting through his pockets for something, I'd see stray pieces of paper, a tiny memo book, pens, a utility knife, chapstick, things that he seemed much too old to be carrying (rocks he liked), and things he seemed too young to be carrying. His jacket was a study of him, complicated, jumbled, so close to me yet so out of reach. The collar of the jacket was slightly darker from his skin and body oils. It was so inextricably linked to him in my mind, and I wished I had it as a reminder of him.

His jacket also reminds me of kissing. We kissed so much while he was wearing that jacket. He liked to kiss, and it didn't matter where we were. We were on the bus for over an hour a day, we waited for the bus for a chunk of time, we had lunch together. We were one of those obnoxious PDA couples that spent over half their time in public kissing. It's still this odd automatic response that if I see a guy in a brown leather jacket, I feel an urge to kiss him, which could be a rather odd scene if I ever let myself go on automatic pilot.

Navy hoodie - I still own this hoodie, so I could supply a picture. I bought this in the late 90s toward the end of college after my five-year flannel shirt phase died down. The advantage of the flannel phase was that it covered my chest. Once I gave up the flannels, I was left with small shirts, relatively speaking, and I felt uncomfortable. So I went to Target, back when Target had the Honors brand, and bought this hoodie. I usually run hot, which meant I tried to get the thinnest hoodie because the purpose was to mainly disguise myself. I wore it…a lot…and now it's seriously stretched out from almost 20 years of wear. It's so stretched out that I have to zip it up most of the way; otherwise, it just falls off my shoulders. It's seen me through college classes, dating a few guys, it was what I'd wear after getting home from my first job, I wore it hiking, I wore it during my pregnancy (let's be honest, that's probably what stretched it out). It symbolizes the everyday-ness of life. I wasn't wearing it when anything "special" happened to me--after all, it's simply a hoodie and not appropriate for special occasions. Even so, it's experienced so much of my everyday life that I feel so very attached to it.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Podcast Reviews

Forgive my posting slump. I've been hunkered down in this occasional mode I get in, featuring weak social media presence, going to work and listening to podcasts with my headphones on while I work if I don't have a meeting, coming home and spending time with my little family, and reading. I think my social interaction was maxed out a few weeks ago. We threw my daughter two separate sleepover parties on two separate weekends. I know I need to get out of my unwilling-to-do-anything-that's-beyond-the-bare-minimum mode. This (upping my social media presence) is a little step in that direction.

On the bright side, I've been listening to more podcasts beyond just the four I used to listen to. I think most are pretty darn interesting. I should do a review of the ones I like and the ones I don't like all that much.

This American Life - This is the most popular podcast in the nation with 1 million downloads per week. By now I've listened to approximately 10 episodes. My original intent was to go back all the way to the 1995 archive when I started college and go through their 20 years of work. (Their initial schedule was very sporadic, so they actually have a do-able amount of episodes--about 500 hours of broadcasts in their archive over 20 years.) The themes they do are hit-or-miss, and sometimes even if the theme is good, the episode is lame. I am only in 1996-97 though. I suppose I don't "get it" because it's produced more like a variety show with dramatic readings, songs, and pieces that only vaguely relate to the theme. It's more of an "old-timey" radio throwback than educational, at least to me.

Mystery Show - This one is #2 in the nation after TAL, at least recently, and is a spin-off of TAL like Serial, which soared to fame and was many people's first dabble in podcasts. (As a side note, I wasn't that impressed by Serial since, in my opinion, there are other good true crime podcasts that actually have a resolution.) Mystery Show is a new podcast with only 5 episodes so far. What caught my eye was that as a new podcast it was so popular. I checked out the 5 episodes. Each podcast episode is a case, like Encyclopedia Brown back from my childhood, that she comes up with or one of her friends gives her. For example, she saw a vanity plate that said ILUV911 a few years ago and wants to know what it means. So she enlists her friends, her Twitter connections, and her detective skills to get to the bottom of these everyday mysteries. My example is representative of the cases, so the excitement factor is rather low, but it is a cute background discussion to listen to if you're working. I don't think it's worthy of being #2 in the nation, but it is a spinoff of TAL & TAL has a huge following.

WTF with Marc Maron - I find him an acerbic comedian and not laugh-out-loud funny like Sarah Silverman, but he interviews cool people (Obama) and is a fine interviewer. If it's someone I want to learn more about, I will tune in.

In Bed With Joan - RIP Joan Rivers. I really enjoyed this one where she interviewed comedians and entertainers. I really connected with her self-deprecating style and the way she would ask very personal questions. "Who did you hate working with on set?" A few would dodge the question, but most would actually answer! So sad there won't ever be more episodes of this one.

Nerdist - Chris Hardwick is a really good interviewer, and I enjoy his interviews with famous people, even the ones I don't know who the person is.

Freakonomics - I enjoy the intellectual, conversational take on real-life plights.

Sane Show - This is a health podcast that looks at the science research of diet and exercise. Bailor is a very passionate advocate of eating and exercising smarter, and, while his guests sometimes have different approaches, there is a solid theme throughout the episodes.

How Did This Get Made - This is a podcast about crappy movies. Each week is a different crappy movie. In looking through all of the episodes, I had only seen two of the movies they had reviewed out of 100 or so, so I downloaded those specific episodes. I enjoyed the podcast episodes I listened to although I noted that the three people tended to talk over one another. Their voices are easy enough to keep straight, but it can be a cacophony sometimes.

And then there are my old stand-bys:

Gilmore Guys - Two twenty-something guys watch each episode of Gilmore Girls and comment. Kevin is especially passionate and opinionated about the show, and both are easy on the ears.

Best of Friends - I really don't know why I listen to this one. I don't really like the show Friends, and I'm not enamored by the production value of this podcast. But there is a strange chemistry among them: a lesbian from the South, a single straight guy trying to make it in Hollywood, and a married narcissist.

Savage Lovecast - I've listened to Dan Savage for decades. Sometimes he can be hard to take, and I don't listen to each episode. Rather, I go on small binges with him.

Kevin Smith podcasts - I actually listen to a lot of these. They can be repetitive and full of pot-induced tangents, but for some reason I really connect with his style and find his voice enchanting.

So that's what I've been up to. I've been listening. A lot.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Take Down the Pyramid Scheme

Tis the season for your FB friends to hawk crap you don't need and invite you into pyramid schemes.

I think I last lamented this a couple of years ago. Now we've got a fresh new crop of women (rarely men, let's be honest) with dollar signs in their eyes. If they only sell 2,500 units of overpriced crap, they can score a car ... or a lifetime supply of whatever crap they're hawking.

I'm not opposed to the entrepreneurial spirit. What I'm opposed to are companies who start pyramid scheme models and the tactics they use to reel in the suckers. Usually the victims are stay-at-home moms who fall for the spiel about how much money they will rake in throwing parties (who doesn't want to go to a party?!) at other people's houses. They end up blowing a tremendous amount of money on start-up kits, rarely if ever break even, and annoy all their friends on Facebook with their constant sales pitches. From my perspective, I hate the constant emails, seeing all of their posts promoting the products, and the barrage of evites to "parties."

I feel like I gave a comprehensive list last time of the various pyramid schemes people are hawking ... without the names of the schemes attached. There have been some new ones, or at least new to me, in the past couple of years.

3D mascara
Nail products (who knew?)
Some stupid weight loss patch with vitamin supplements
Noxious oils
Gourmet chocolate (M&Ms are more my speed anyway)
Fancy schmancy skin products (all the cool moms at the school use it!)
Purses
Expensive costume jewelry (why???)

Then add the mainstay pyramid schemes of candles, makeup, body wraps, baskets, etc.

My philosophy is to not give pyramid schemes any money so they have a lower chance of survival. Heartless? Yes. Take down the pyramid scheme!

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

My view on parenting

For most of my life, I've been "eh" about most things. Of course, I have my personal political views (left), but I try not to talk about them outside of my husband and work--both of which think the same way I do. I don't find it a productive use of time to talk about them elsewhere. But for the most part, I'm not opinionated on most things. To each his or her own. Now if a friend is about to do something stupid, I might say something ("Have you thought about looking at it this way?"). If someone asks my advice, I might give advice.

I find it interesting that one area where I definitely have opinions is parenting. I have rather deep, passionate opinions on how to raise my child. I recognize that my way might not be the "right" way, and all parents are trying to raise happy, successful children. There are many paths to take to get there; I realize that.

My parents were lackluster in certain areas (aren't all parents?), but my mother was superlative in others. She raised me to be very resourceful and completely independent (not sure that was by design) with a strong work ethic. I follow through on the commitments I make with rare exception, and I try to be very reliable. Upon entering the work world, I realized how rare these qualities are in a world where people drop out at the last minute, miss deadlines, are unorganized to the point of not reading important emails, etc. My motto of "show up prepared," which I thought was a given for everyone, isn't universally practiced. And I think a huge part of where I am today is because I show up prepared, far more than any skills I have. While I probably don't need to raise my daughter to be as independent as I am, I think it's important to instill a strong work ethic and reliability for the dividends it will pay in her life. So I am a bit…overzealous when it comes to that.

I don't believe in monetary/"thing" rewards. I try to instill that the psychological feeling of success is better than getting money or "things" for accomplishments. For instance, she has weekly spelling words at school. Some parents give their kids money or toys if they got all their words right, especially back in the beginning of the year. I thought to myself that it would be a difficult weekly reward to maintain, and wasn't the goal for her to enjoy learning for the sake of learning instead of for the reward? So I'm the parent who says "good job" and that's it.

The new thing seems to be surprising your kids with a vacation (perhaps to that huge moneymaker that starts with a "D") and missing school. Parents are renting billboards (I kid you not) to announce the surprise to their kids. To each his or her own, I say.

With a bit of trepidation, we're going to that "D" place in August. She has started asking about it since so many of her friends have gone, and I do think she's old enough to really enjoy it. Why crowded August? Because I do not want to show her by my actions that missing school is acceptable to me. Sure, if her grandparent was on his or her deathbed or something like that, of course I'd make an exception because I do want to role model that people are more important than school. And as for announcement? We told her earlier this week that we're going in August. I'm looking forward to the anticipation she'll experience in the coming months, and we'll look at the park map and plan what order we'll see things in. She'll be part of the process. She's put the date on her calendar, and we're telling her that we'll be staying with family for part of it, and we're staying on the property for some of it. This is how I approach the whole thing, which is far different from how most other parents approach it. And that's okay.

Friday, April 17, 2015

On Marriage

Now that my friend is married and has driven off into the sunset (or Oregon), I have slightly recovered from the whole bridesmaid experience and have had some time to reflect on marriage.

I didn't want to get married when I was little. I envisioned a life of work, a few girlfriends and dating. Perpetual dating -- with a new guy every few months. And then I got married when I just turned 22, go figure.

Marriage is one of those common words that we use for something so universally different. My marriage with my husband is completely different than it would be with anyone else. His marriage with me is different than it would be with anyone else. "Marriage" sounds like it's in this exclusive club, which it isn't. I think "marriage" can be synonymous for any long-term relationship.

I didn't have any words of advice for the bride. I've been married for 15 years, and I couldn't come up with anything. How can I give her words of advice when she's in a unique relationship? Although hers is more complicated because he has two children from a prior marriage. There are things she will have to navigate that are legitimately more difficult. I'm not sure she has really wrapped her head around the concept that she's a stepmother to these kids, and that will truly be a learning experience. Parenthood is complicated enough without being dropped in the middle of it when the kids are already in grade school.

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Thoughts Soon

Slammed at work. Wedding prep has been taking up the rest of my time.

Hope to get caught up on work and will be back soon.

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