Insomnia

I've been up for an hour. Not sure why I can't sleep, as I have Friday off so it's a 4-day weekend for me. But I thought now would be a nice time to empty my head of randomosity and then try to get back to sleep.

Ballet update - I take back everything I said about ballet. It is indeed a very structured class - they have to enter and exit the ballet studio in formation, the parents are forced to wait outside the studio (which I kind of like), the little girls' hair has to be just so (which I can't achieve but I do my best). However, she likes it! She is really taking to the structured nature of the class. It helps that her best friend is in it. I even caught her smiling during the class. My daughter truly sucks at ballet though. She's as graceful as an elephant, just like me. I hope her heart isn't set on being a ballerina because it likely isn't going to happen.

Passion - Back in December, I did a training at work for about 50 people. I read the evaluations afterward, and by and large they were very positive. One woman separately wrote to the coordinator of the conference late in December and thanked her for the conference and said that my class was her favorite. She said that the trainer had so much passion for the subject. I've never thought of myself as someone with passion. On the contrary, I see myself as apathetic most of the time and wish that I did have passion. I thought a good goal for 2013 was to do more things that I'm passionate about, so.....

Writing - For the past two years, I have participated and finished National Novel Writing Month in November. As a side note, I was more proud of my 2011 project than my 2012 project. Aside from the subject that I trained about in December, my passion is to write and hopefully finish the whole process of writing a novel - ahem, including editing it and submitting it to a publisher once I'm finished. I've written out a loose plot, and I think I have something that could reach my 2011 Nano project pride and hopefully even surpass it. There's no reason to wait until November to begin. (Although will you give me credit for Nano 2013 if I write a novel in 2013 even if it's not in November or if I'm just editing in November?) My hope is to marinate on it through February and start writing in March.

Confusion - I think Facebook exists in my world to show me how I dodged a bullet in not marrying the guy I used to date. Was I that blinded by him? Or did he change? Or did I change? Combo? I really don't understand his constant pictures of guns, particularly the ones with little kids holding guns (that look Photoshopped, thank goodness). And he posted some rant after Newtown that I could not decipher. I think he's a complete whackjob now. I do know that he went to Afghanistan, and I think he's really became enamored with weapons to a far higher degree than the average person. And if I had to pick a side, I'm of the "let's sing kumbuyah and throw away guns" philosophy, so - yeah - that would have been a match made in divorce court.

Trust - A week ago my child's teacher was fired. I loved loved loved her. She was smart and perceptive. And kind of bitchy, but not to the kids. We got along famously because I like the smart, bitchy type. And she was good for my daughter. My daughter loved her and got to the point where she would playfully tease her teacher; she was starting to come out of her shell. And then Something happened. I would tell you what Something was if I knew myself. I've interrogated people, and all that I have determined was that Something wasn't physical abuse. She did Something that got her fired. But depending on who you talk to, Something was one incident or Something was of longer duration.

Of course, I know other parts to the story. My daughter's teacher didn't get along with one of the other teachers, and the current director is on medical leave and this other teacher is BFFs with the fill-in director. Yeah, I have my theory because I'm 90% sure of what went down, and the fired teacher's enemy nearly confirmed my suspicions today. Women can be brutal to each other.

We the parents were told last week to "trust" the fill-in director's decision. Sorry, don't trust the fill-in director. I've known her for 4 years now, and I've gotten horrible vibes from her. My husband overheard one horrible instance with her; I've experienced a few eyebrow-raising things. Yeah, I knew J's teacher had a bit of an attitude, but she knew her stuff and didn't let the other women deter her with nonsense for the 6 years she was there until the very end.

I have trust issues. It's hard for me to trust someone, but when I do (like my child's teacher that just got fired) I'm very loyal. I can't fathom that she did anything that horrible other than giving her enemy or fill-in boss some attitude, which was likely deserved since I know her fill-in boss and the Mean Girl in question. Sure, I know giving your boss attitude is wrong. She could have taken out her frustration in some other way. But if someone's determined to see you go down in flames, it's hard to avoid constantly being doused with lighter fluid. 

Catch ya later.