I hate to be vague. I am quite literal usually, but since this is public, I should have some level of discretion, right? Please excuse my ambiguity.
There's someone in my life that I really don't like dealing with. My life is much easier when I lie low and stay off this person's radar. Sometimes lying low involves squelching my own wants and acquiescing to this person's wants, which makes me somewhat resentful when it happens with great regularity, but the greater good is peaceful relations. It's not the best set-up, yet constantly butting heads doesn't seem productive either.
Right now this person wants something I have. Let's say it is an apple, for the sake of making this less ambiguous. I have an apple. This person wants the apple. Why? I'm an amateur psychologist, no PhD here; my best guess is because then this person can lord his/her "I have an apple and you don't" mantra over everyone else. That's kind of par for the course with this person, which is the main reason I dislike this person.
In actuality, I don't have an apple. I have a responsibility/duty. I was handpicked three years ago to fulfill a role because of my strength, competence, and adeptness. I take it seriously. There are psychological rewards that go along with this responsibility/duty, but I don't focus on them at all. What I focus on is the responsibility and fulfilling the role the best way I can.
By the way, this is why I could never be a CEO. I'd focus so much on the responsibility of running a whole company that I couldn't permit myself to enjoy the rewards of being a CEO.
This person wants my role. Again, my best guess is for the power. For the past few weeks, I had convinced myself that this person had succeeded. I felt crummy. I thought I was on my way out of this role because this person had persuaded everyone that I suck at fulfilling the obligations of this role & that this person would be a much better alternative than I. (This person might have said a few choice phrases that alluded to this person being in the role instead of me.)
I hated that I was in a mental place like that. I felt like I let everyone down, that I wasn't competent, that I wasn't good enough. One person (who I don't respect as a person all that much) practically crumbled my self-confidence in that area completely. I know, I'm not a pillar of self-confidence to begin with, so it's not like it took a lot of work.
After hemming and hawing, I finally got the courage to talk to the powers that be. I asked for feedback on how I was doing in the role. My thought was that if I got the sense that my presence wasn't wanted, then I would just step down from that specific role. If someone doesn't want my skills anymore, then it makes sense to step aside for someone else to try. There's something to be said for bowing out gracefully. However, the feedback that I got was that I was doing great. This person may have TRIED to take away my role to obtain it himself/herself, but it didn't work.
I have a sense of relief now. Various things bugged me about the whole thing, and of course I hated that any part of it bugged me. I should have known that I was doing at least an adequate job. That had been my personal sense about the whole situation. But then a few sentences from this person make me question myself - not just in a "hmmm, what's going on?" way, but in a way that could potentially devastate me to the core. I like to think that I'm strong and resilient, but the past few weeks made me realize just how fragile I really am. I feel awful at the thought of disappointing people who are relying on me.