Today I had off from work, and I painted. Wow, what a revelation! I mean, it's not like I haven't been painting my arm off for 5 months or anything.
We are down to 5 rooms + the front door left to do. I know, it sounds like a lot. But considering where we started, it's quite an achievement.
I have a dilemma. The in-laws arrived into town to stay with S's brother about an hour away. They will stay there for 3 weeks. Then when the other relatives come into town, S's parents will come down to stay with us for 2 weeks (minus 3 days). The problem is that Miss J won't get much one-on-one time with her grandparents (and we feel like we're being used as merely a hotel, but that's a separate issue).
They have offered to take her from June 6 through the next week. They would come down for her birthday party (and she hasn't seen them for a year), and then after the party they would take her with her 2 cousins to the cousins' house for a week.
Our contention is that she won't be spending much one-on-one time during this visit, and having her spend time with them would help with bonding. The cousins would be in school during the day, so Julia would get to spend some one-on-one time with the grandparents. Plus she'd see a lot more of her cousins (two boys ages 10 and 7).
We're leery of how she will do. She hasn't seen those grandparents in a year, they come down for her birthday party, and how will she do getting put into a car with these people she doesn't remember while her parents wave at her from the front door of her house? I'm envisioning a lot of screaming on that car ride and the first night and the next day. When she goes into massive freakout mode, her world spirals. No eating, just pissed off screaming for a long time.
So the question is do you think she would do okay going to a strange place with strange people (to her) for a week? In an ideal world, she would get time to bond with them before going, but that's not going to happen. They don't want to come down in the days beforehand.
Another issue is the grandparents' ego. These people have an immense pride. They will not admit if she's not adjusting well. We would tell them that if she isn't doing well (i.e., eating nothing, profuse screaming, not sleeping) to call us and we'll come get her. Both S and I know that will not happen. They would never admit that she isn't hacking it because they would see that as them failing. So if she is freaking out & not eating, we don't believe they'd tell us and we'd have one miserable kid who wouldn't eat anything for a week.
Overall, Julia is making a ton of progress toward being a normal kid. She IS normal for the most part, but she's still really high strung (got that one from me).
My gut says it would be a really difficult 1-2 days and then at that point she'd have to give up and actually eat and/or sleep. Then it might smooth out some.
So is the benefit of her seeing her grandparents and cousins worth the cost of her likely being miserable for 1-2 days at least and being pissed off at us for sending her away? I think it would be different if she was more acclimated to her grandparents and if it was at our house instead of the cousins' house, but the cousins are still in school an hour away. On the other hand, we do want her to see her relatives more.
I just don't know.
5 comments:
That is a tough one. If it were me, I probably wouldn't do it. If she saw them more often or if you were leaving and they were watching her in "her" environment I think it would be different. M and Miss J are similar in how the react to new people/ people they are not familiar with. I know for M she does a TON better if it is her own house. When my parents were here, it was two days before I left her alone with them while I was at school. Maybe if you can convince them to come for a few days before taking off.
It sounds like you already know the right answer, you just feel badly for saying no to such a generous and well-meant offer. It may cause hurt feelings, but you have to do what is best for your daughter even if that means Grandma and Grandpa feel slighted or that she'll have less time with them. If they really wanted more time with her, they could come down to your place and stay there for a couple days with just her.
Good luck!
I don't think you should at this point. Yes, time with grandparents IS important, but she won't even REMEMBER this time spent with them yet! There is no way I would do that with Max, and she's less high-strung than Miss J is!
DON'T allow them to guilt trip you into this. I don't know if they are or not, but don't let them if they are. This is YOUR child and you are ultimately responsible for her and her well-being.
Sending her off to stay with well-meaning grandparents whom she doesn't know and won't remember at this point, coupled with her eating habits and such, I really don't think it's wise.
Please please don't think i'm being harsh, Beth, but I really really really think it's a bad idea.
Oh boy. My vote is no way, but you need to go with your gut. I know Julia goes to daycare, but has she ever spent the night away from home? You know Sophie has stayed the night at my parents, even two nights in a row once or twice when she was much younger. But my parents were the first to see her when she was born, after us, and have been there from the very beginning. And I still would never leave her there with them for a week, unless we had a total emergency.
They can bond with her while they are at your house. Of course it would be great for her to have time with her cousins, but I would wait for a time when you guys can be there too. Sophie loved being at Chet's moms, but now way could we have left her there and take off for a week. And like Krista said, I think Sophie and Julia also react similarly to new people and surroundings.
That said, if you do send her, she will adapt and survive. But, if your gut says no, and I think it does, just say no.
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