Two, no Three, Things

1. Do you know what twirks me today? Those places that take up collections for various charities & then they turn around and give the money that YOU donate as THEIR money. I think it was Home Depot most recently that did this. Would you like to donate a dollar to whatever cause (yes, I forgot because I am lame)? Of course it's a masterful plan because you feel like crap if you say no. But when you really think about it, why do it? If you actually support the cause, donate the $$ directly to the organization because YOU will get the (tax) credit instead of Home Depot. Because you know what will happen, you'll forget that you donated the money and not get the credit at tax time. Then Home Depot will claim "they" donated $1 million to Whatever Cause when it was actually that guilt-inducing question at checkout that they got 1 million people to say yes to. So my advice is to always decline at the checkout and then give directly to whatever charity you want to.

2. Let's say you call Domino's and get a large cheese pizza for carryout. When you sign the receipt, they have a space for a tip. Why oh why should I give a tip? I asked for a large cheese pizza, and I got a large cheese pizza...at a PIZZA CHAIN. You took my order and assembled a basic order & I came to pick it up. Is that tip worthy? Or is that a way to lure employees by paying them minimum wage and say to them that they have tip possibilities because someone nicer than I may come along and give them a tip for doing their job? Because I'm passive aggressive and like to avoid even dealing with the issue, I like to pay via credit card over the internet (where it doesn't ask you for a tip) or pay in cash.

3. Mother's Day, ugh. I think Valentine's Day and Mother's Day rank #1 and #2 for female-to-female one upsmanship. Valentine's Day is particularly horrible. Because receiving 3 dozen roses at work apparently means you're more loved than the chick who just got a card. See, this is one reason women can drive me bonkers. They have this crazy ass logic that makes no sense. Because to me if any guy sent me 3 dozen roses to work, I'd think he is a complete money waster who is just trying to impress me with laying down his credit card over the phone during his morning break that day. Loser. If he really had some thought, he'd make me a gourmet meal and give me a massage. Make him actually work vs. having some sneeze-inducing waste of money sit on my desk for all the women to be jealous of. And Mother's Day is about the same as far as the whole "My kids got me a Gucci bag," eyeroll-inducing brag. Well, my kid is almost 2 and she drew random circles on a card. And even when she's 22, she better not send me roses. I'll take that meal, and it can even be Domino's but I'd tell her to pay with cash or pay for it via internet beforehand so she doesn't have to deal with the awkward tip for doing your job thang.