I'm an only child. And frankly I don't mind. Is that bad? I've never thought I missed out on much. It's seems like when I was in school, all people did was complain about their siblings. As adults, it seems like some people are closer to their siblings than others. There's really quite a variance.
My mom and dad divorced when I was 2 years old, and my mother rarely dated. From a young age, I knew that the possibility of a sibling when your mother doesn't even date is rather low. And I never was itching for a sibling anyway...
When I say my mother rarely dated, it was because she really, really didn't date much. When I was 8 years old, she met a guy who was 13 years older than her. He would take her and I out to The Sizzler on maybe one Friday night a month. Afterward he would come back to our house and play a board game with me. Then my mom would walk him out to the car, and there was a 50/50 chance of a kiss. Of course I knew this because I spied on them between the blinds. Oh, shut up, you would too if you were 8 years old and living in the middle of nowhere, Texas, and this was your only form of entertainment besides reading the Boxcar Children series.
When I was 10, we moved to Las Vegas. And this gentleman would drive out to visit us every year or so. He'd stay for a few days.
Then when we moved up to this state, I went to see my dad during the move (I was 14) & apparently the same gentleman helped my mom move into our new house. I come back from visiting my dad, and they tell me they are getting married.
Huh? Their "relationship" has consisted of about 20 Sizzler dates with me there, and about 4 visits of 2-3 days over several years, and then 1 week of moving. I know their courtship - if you even call it that - lasted about 6 years, but they really didn't SEE each other much of that. They wrote letters and talked on the phone, but as far as in-person, there wasn't a whole lot. I know, nowadays people practically get married through the internet - but back in the 80s, people actually met face-to-face. Weird concept, huh?
When I was told that they were going to get married, I was also told that they would continue to live in separate states. Huh? Then why get married? When my mom told me, "Because I don't want to be alone when you leave the house," I had to laugh. Seriously? Not because he's the love of your life, but because you don't want to be alone and because you're basically settling?
My stepdad is a good guy. Is he really a stepdad? No, because they got married when I was 15 & he lived in a different state & he really hasn't impacted my life. He's a good, upstanding guy though.
I never really "got" their marriage. It didn't really ever (or even now) make sense to me. He was married before in his 20s, but he was a bachelor after that ended until 1993 when he married my mother. He was 56 when he married my mom. So they've been married for 17 years. When I think of that, it's like, "wow, they've been married for 17 years." But can you really say that when you don't live with your spouse and you file tax returns as being single? I don't know.
I'm slowly getting to a point. They got married when I was 15. And guess what happened when my very fertile mother (I was a diaphragm birth control accident, thank you very much) and my new stepdad hooked up on their honeymoon? Yes, yes, you guessed it - she's pregnant!
You really have to feel for my mother. One minute she's a single mother raising a teenager who is almost out the door. The next she's marrying someone she probably loves as a friend but one may speculate that she doesn't love like most people love people they are marrying. Then the next minute you're pregnant with another kid.
Being 15, I was not all that enthusiastic. It was kind of like the tables had turned. I was the one giving the speech: "Don't you know what causes this...." And my poor mother went to the pregnancy center & when she probably was there bawling and saying she had a teenager who was almost out the door, they actually told her that they are more used to seeing the 15 year old teenage girl rather than the 42 year old mother of the 15 year old teenage girl.
At the same time I was told that she was pregnant, I was then told that my future summer of being 16 was going to be taken up by my new half brother or sister. I was going to be the nanny after my mom went back to work. So, yeah, I would be lugging around a newborn as a 16 year old...for the whole summer. From my perspective, this was looking to be the most horrible summer. How can you pick up guys or do anything fun when you're lugging a newborn around...that's not even yours!!!! I wasn't the one who got pregnant, so why should I be a live-in nanny for free and give up my whole summer?
Perhaps not the most selfless 16 year old perspective, but come on - it's a valid perspective.
Oh yeah, and the stepdad would continue to live in Texas while my mom and I took care of the baby. Even weirder.
My mother miscarried at about 10 weeks. Sad because I wonder what this half brother or sister would be like, but probably it was for the best given the situation. My stepdad was very ill-equipped to deal with a baby and wouldn't be around. My mother and stepdad were kind of like strangers with each other anyway. My mom doesn't deal well with stress. And I would have ended up being a second mother figure for this child, which I suppose is okay, but would have been weird when starting my own life as an adult.
So after all that, I definitely was in the camp that being an only child was JUST FINE. And before my mom got remarried, I really never thought it was even a possibility.
Since my mom is almost 60 now, I'm pretty darn sure I'm going to be an only child for the rest of my life (my dad has since deceased). Now am I sure I am the only child on my dad's side? Who the heck knows, but as far as my dad's family is concerned, they only know about me.
- Only Child Signing Off for the Night
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