Sunday, July 7, 2013

Ignorance is bliss and other vacation learnings

My week-long vacation has come to an end. Boo.

It wasn't that interesting of a vacation since I went...nowhere. Except if you count the SIX doctor's appointments I had.

2 acupuncture
2 chiropractor
eye doctor

Four of these appointments were on the same day. Do you know how exhausting four doctor's appointments in one day are? Not. A. Vacation.

Remember my flexible spending account woes? No? Quick refresher. I requested more than I could use to be put into the account, and as the school year comes to a close, I'm frantically trying to spend the money. I've been going to acupuncture because it's multiple times a week, and it uses up some of the money.

My logic for going to the chiropractor is the same as acupuncture. They want you to go multiple times per week, and they charge a copay each time.

My stated reason for going to the chiropractor (that I told them) was that I had a desk job and my back sometimes hurt. True if you define "sometimes" as a few times per year, and I've never taken so much as Tylenol for the pain. I felt like such an idiot for going, believe me. But the acupuncturist was going to put me on 1x per week instead of 2x per week, and that won't use up all the money.

First world problems. Please, I know.

So I went to the chiropractor. The medical assistant guy started out by giving me a tour of the place, like I'm moving in or something. (First warning sign) Then he asked me a litany of questions, mostly revolving around my back pain, which is pretty much non-existent but I inflated a tiny bit. Then the doctor came in and gave me a range of motion test. I sailed through that since 1) I exercise regularly and 2) I've never noticed anything wrong with my back. Then the doctor says I need X-rays to see what's going on with my back. (Second warning sign)

I just want them to sign me up for 2x per week back adjustments for a few weeks. But, no, they want X-rays. Then I realize this is a blessing in disguise because it will eat up a lot of my money, and perhaps I won't have to go for these 2x per week visits. I can just get the X-rays and call it a day on both acupuncture and the chiropractor.

After the X-rays, I get sent to a room, and the chiropractor comes in looking all dour. We start with back X-rays. Good news! I have no degeneration (which I didn't think I have because I am a sturdy girl). So-so news is that one of my vertebrae is tilting a little.  Then comes the neck X-rays.

I should be thankful to be alive. My neck curves the opposite way that it should. I have mangled it, and it will never be the way it should. How did I mangle it so, you ask? Stomach sleeping. Over 30 years of stomach sleeping will mess up your neck. He forbid me to ever sleep on my stomach again. And I need to go to a chiropractor until I die.

Mind you, I've never had any neck pain. I have neck tension, like we all do. But I had no clue I was such a freak of nature.

I got adjusted twice last week. It's basically having your neck and back cracked. I like the process, but I guess I'm kind of a masochist. It helps when the chiropractor who does the adjusting is the most gorgeous guy I've seen in months. However, my back hurt like the dickens afterward. Like something got twisted out of joint.

And now I feel guilt about how I sleep. I tried tried tried to sleep on my back for the past week. But I always wake up on my stomach, and I feel like I was sleeping most of the night on my stomach. I need an electric shock every time I move onto my stomach.

Soooo, in conclusion:

- I've finally used my flexible spending account money.
- Acupuncture doesn't help me at all.
- My neck is beyond messed up, which I had no idea about.
- Having a chiropractor adjust me hurts my back.
- I feel good ol' Catholic guilt about my sleeping position.
- Ignorance is bliss.

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