For the past few weeks, I've had another public blog. Yes, y'all, I've been cheating on you. (I actually do feel guilty about this, which says how well the nuns drilled guilt into me during my Catholic school first and second grade education.)
I finally created a new public blog...but no one has seen it.
I have a few internal struggles.
First of all, I don't want it to be linked in any way, shape or form to this blog. Which means a separate e-mail sign-up, separate login, blah blah blah, pain in the butt.
Second of all, I really like the current set-up. I love my little bloggy world. I get free therapy as I type in the wee hours of the night. There are only two groups of people that arrive here. Group 1: random people from the interwebz. They don't know me other than this blog, I'm fairly un-identifiable, I don't really care if they choose to read because, heck, there's not much that come from it. Group 2: select people I know that I don't mind who read this. It's a small-ish group, I don't force or compel anyone to come here and by now they may or may not be used to my random-ish nature. They've likely learned to enter at their own risk. If they were going to blow my cover, they probably already would have done it after almost 3 years. Right? Being that I like the current set-up, I really don't want to risk things changing for the worse.
Third of all, I need to push myself out of my comfort zone. I've been too complacent in a few different areas. Not that I really *mind* being complacent with certain things, but to grow you have to push yourself.
But the thing is, if I want to push myself on a new and different blogging adventure that involves - ummm - readers, I have three routes I could take. 1) Link to this one, which I don't want to do since I want to keep this one as is. 2) Link to it via Facebook. Not terribly excited about that option, but it's the most reasonable place to start. 3) Self-promotion through blog networking, which could be extremely slow and tedious (and time-consuming).
Fourth of all, whenever I think about the self-promotion on Facebook idea, I want to hyperventilate. All of my insecurities come to the surface, and I feel extremely panicky. Why? It doesn't make logical sense, but emotions don't always make sense. There's something about that population of people that gets me all jittery because I feel judged, and I don't think I'll be good enough, and and ... I need a stiff drink to get myself off the proverbial ledge.
And then I go back to the few cogent thoughts I have:
1. I am a fairly consistent blogger.
2. I like to blog and whether I'm good or not at it doesn't really matter if I enjoy it.
3. There's a topic area that I really enjoy discussing.
4. Taking on this adventure will help me learn even more about the topic.
5. When you combine 1 through 4, it really does seem to make sense to do it.
6. Thus, make a list of people on FB who I wouldn't mind who saw it, get tipsy one night, post the link, go hyperventilate if the wine didn't work or go to sleep if it did, and wake up the next morning relatively unharmed.
Sounds like a plan, and it's an all the more attractive plan because it involves wine and sleeping!