I married my husband for a number of reasons, but the main reason is that we have very compatible values. We look at the world with a similar perspective, we valued such things as hard work and determination, we both value each other's opinions and respect each other. As cynical as I was growing up, I believe I met my soulmate.
However...we share about ZERO common interests. Our interests are night and day. The prospect of even going out to a movie is agonizing for us. He likes science fiction and sappy ass romantic comedies. I like Seth Rogen pot smoking comedy and most of the horror genre. We can sometimes split the difference with psychological thrillers, but only sometimes. I don't do political thrillers, and he doesn't really do supernatural thrillers. Music is the same way. Guess who listens to country, and it ain't me. He freaking loves whiny women singing, and I can't stand them. He's not hip to gangsta rap and 80s pop. He likes martial arts; I'm not fond of it. I like to bake; he doesn't like baked goods. Right now the only thing we like to do together is watch "Big Bang Theory."
People find it odd that we don't like the same things. We know that we share a whole value system, and that's more important than agreeing on the latest movie. I'm fine with doing things solo or with friends who share my interests. He is too. It probably keeps us sane to have that time to develop our own interests.
I must confess that I like setting up posts that look like they're going one way and then detour to a more obscure area. Today is one of those that will be on a more obscure path.
S's brother. If anyone would use interests to match people up, I would be matched with S's brother instead of S. I actually share a lot of interests with Brother. We have similar tastes in entertainment, I like to bake/he likes to eat baked goods. For those interests we don't share, I think I could easily warm up to his. For instance, I'm not a baseball fan, but if I had to pick a sport to be interested in, I would definitely pick baseball like Brother would. I would never pick martial arts, like my husband would.
Yes, Brother and I are very compatible as far as interests go. As values go, we are very opposite. I chose values over interests very intentionally, and I know I won't regret that decision.
I like Brother. He's a nice person. He's a crappy decision-maker, but that doesn't really affect me because I didn't marry him. I wouldn't ever choose him to raise my child because of the values differences, but again that doesn't really affect me because I didn't have kids with him.
I have always been able to understand him. It's been eerie. As in, I know what he's going to say before he says it. It's like I know what he's thinking. Sometimes this is bad because Brother's train of thought goes places I don't necessarily want to go. But I always know where it's going. Sometimes in group conversations, Brother brings things up, and I know exactly where he is and add to it in a meaningful way. And he just looks at me amazed, and then his wife says something to puts him down, and the subject changes. But for a microsecond he senses my understanding of him, and I can see a bit of relief in him that there is someone that "gets" him.
Brother is one of those people who I could be a really good friend to. I could get him to say things he's never told anyone. And we would probably have a lot of fun together if we did activities together. I am 100% confident I could get him to open up to me through doing a common interest, like going to a concert where a singer from the 80s is performing. I think he really needs to open up to someone, just not sure I'm the right person.
Well, I know I'm not the right person. Brother is craving for someone to understand him because his wife certainly doesn't. I understand him, and I think he recognizes a glimmer of that now and if he really knew how much I could understand his situation, it could become a very messy situation for him. So it's just better that I call him an ass and keep as most emotional distance as possible.
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