Self Help Needed

I checked out a book from the library for my Dewey project that I really should read; it's about making friendships with women.  Ugh, I suck at that.  I'm the crappiest girl friend ever (I'm an awesome girlfriend though).  I really need to read this book, and then I need to take its advice.

Being raised by an emotionally detached mother sets up the stage for being emotionally detached myself.  Then choosing to hang out with boys when I was younger probably made that worse.  I had one good girl friend when I was 12-13. She wanted to be older, and she wanted to explore everything that went along with it.  She dragged me to the mall to try on a bazillion outfits, we were on the phone together all the time talking about the boys who we would never talk to in person at school, we passed notes in class, we shared a locker covered in Luke Perry cutouts.  My heart wasn't into the whole thing though.  It just seemed stupid to talk for endless hours about clothes and scenarios with boys that would never happen since she and I were glued at the hip.  I preferred to just hang out with the boys and play video games and try to break into the houses they were building up the street.  Hanging with the boys was far less emotionally draining, and my inner thrill seeker was occupied.

The emotional neediness of women in general scares me.  Back when I was 12-13, part of me dreaded when the phone would ring at 3pm because I knew it would be my best friend at the time.  We had seen each other an hour previously, but now we would start our afternoon ritual of being on the phone.  Perhaps it's just that I don't have the social needs like most people, but even back then I'd just prefer to unwind from the day by myself and nap, watch TV, or read a book.  Having to talk on the phone for hours a day got to be really annoying.  Over time I became a less responsive friend, and she dropped me as a best friend for another girl who fulfilled the girl best friend criteria better than I.  I don't blame her.  My heart really wasn't into living at the mall and being attached at the hip. 

I know all women aren't emotionally that needy.  I've met some of them.  I like those women.  I like to talk, but I like to talk about things deeper than what outfit looks best on you or me.  Most women will go deeper than that, but then it becomes some really emotional, cathartic therapy experience for them & I become their counselor.  I don't want that either.  I'm seeking something kind of in the middle.  I don't want to talk about the weather, and I don't want to be anyone's personal therapist.  I'm hoping to find some sort of balance. 

"I like girls who wear Abercrombie & Fitch..." has been going through my mind on repeat all evening.  So sad to lose a Boy Bander even though I don't have even one clothing item from Abercrombie & Fitch.