We may (hmmm... should probably stress that more), MAY be getting somewhere on the one-nap thing. Saturday Julia took her nap from 10:30am - 2:00pm. It was most inconvenient because I wanted to take her to L's party at 1:00, but the one thing I've learned very quickly is to not wake a sleeping baby. She tends to nap more on Saturdays - I think to make up for less naps during the week. Plus her mood is in the crapper when she wakes up. If you have ever played the Sims, she is like one of the Sims that literally takes an hour to get out of bed, and she's kicking and screaming and whining and generally discontent for that hour! On Sunday, she slept from 11:15am - 1:45pm. On Monday she slept from 1:05pm to 3:10pm. Just one nap only on all those days!
I almost had a cow when I looked at her food log for the day today. 4oz at 9:00am and then a solid lunch and then a solid snack. S quickly asked how much I took to daycare. I told him 12 oz. Well, if she had eaten only 4oz, she should come with 8 oz, right? Well, she came home with 2.5 oz. So they likely forgot to record a feeding...or they fed her bottle to another kid. But let's go with the theory they forgot until we know something different. She didn't act particularly starved when she got home. It was one of those days where both of her infant room teachers called in sick, and then they took her to the 1 year old room for part of the day as well. Considering all the hubbub and change, Julia actually did quite well (assuming she actually ate the other feeding that wasn't recorded).
I found the most fascinating product tonight. Benecalorie. It's 1.5 oz of powder, and it adds 330 calories to liquids. Supposedly it's tasteless. I'm resisting the urge to buy it for Julia.
Let me preface this by saying this failure to thrive thing is very difficult to deal with. It's difficult on so many levels. On a fundamental level, I cannot grasp Julia's issue with food. If you know me, you know that I LOVE food. If you ask me my favorite food, I will go on and on for an hour and list everything under the sun: enchiladas, chocolate-covered pretzels, pizza, cake, ice cream, cherries, chocolate, mashed potatoes, ravioli, etc. Food IS part of my essence. It's also part of why I struggle so hard with weight loss because if I don't have my favorite foods, it really does take away my zeal for life. If I didn't have my next meal to look forward to, then I'd be plain ol' sad. I know where I was when I had the best chocolate in my life. My mom had given me leftover Scottish money to spend at the Scottish gas station. I had no idea how much I had, and I was lusting after the chocolate bars. There was 1 kilo of chocolate; it was the biggest chocolate bar I had ever seen. The cashier there must have found me fascinating. I was literally touching it in awe (I was 19 years old and starstruck by a huge chocolate bar). I went over to her and said how much chocolate will all my money buy. She told me it was just enough to cover that BIG chocolate bar. I don't think it was. I think she just saw how IN LOVE I was with that bar of chocolate.
I ate that chocolate on the plane home, and it was the best chocolate ever. I had also pretty much starved on the Scotland trip because they do lots of red, greasy meat. I had lived on potato leek soup for a week, and that chocolate bar was pure heaven.
I don't 'get' why someone wouldn't like food. Okay, formula tastes like crap, I suppose I can understand that. Even though she does eat solids, she's not a great eater. And every doctor has told me that she likely will never be. I soooooo don't get it, but whatever. She doesn't have all my psychological issues with food. I should be happy with that part.
Now how to deal with it is another issue I struggle with. There are two basic schools of thought on this. My pal Wendy (shout out Wendy!) and my other pal R both have kids with similar issues, and they each approach it in a different way than I do. And they approach it in slightly different ways from each other. We each want our kid (and all the kids are girls) to thrive and eat and 'be normal.' It's just a different plan of action. Well, actually I don't really have a plan. I can't call mine a plan when it's far from the truth.
Leigh Ann and Rosemary, shout out to you two! Even though you have tiny babies too, I think of you in a different 'category' because your kids eat. I don't 'get' why your kids are so skinny considering how much they eat, but I guess they have fast metabolisms. Can Waylon and Andrea loan me their metabolisms for a month? Pleeeeeeease. I know you ladies are just as concerned about your kids' weight just like me. I'm NOT discounting that.
I plod along by concentrating her formula, and I reluctantly do that. I don't want to trick her into eating more food - I just want her to eat more food on her own. When she hit bottom (the 2nd percentile), I knew I would have to do something more than merely concentrating her formula. She was eating 13 oz a day and minimal 'meals.' As for possible remedies, there's tube feeding, there's Periactin (an antihistamine with the side effect of stimulating appetite), there's an antidepressant (with the side effect of suppressing her gag reflex), there's even more hypoallergenic formula with 'better' flavoring, there's Duocal (similar to Benecalorie but not quite as many calories), and I'm sure I'm forgetting several other methods.
When she got back up to the 5th percentile, I was encouraged that maybe she could do this ON HER OWN. I have faith in my little J. If I introduced her to more palatable foods, maybe she would unearth her mommy's genes in the way for zeal for eating, and she'd take off and become my human garbage disposal. A girl can hope, and there's been a lot of hope on my end. There's not much else to go on.
When you're in this situation, you have to follow your gut. I'm only 1/2 of the parental unit as well. Fortunately, S and I see the issue similarly although he's the more rational one. While we haven't said our policy out loud, I think it goes like this: If she's on the charts (2nd percentile or higher), we're going to plod through by just concentrating her formula. If she goes lower than that, we're going to really look hard at other methods.
I'm not saying that what others choose to do in this situation is wrong. They are merely taking a different path than we are. That's cool with me. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with taking a different path. And I feel like I need to know the different paths to take should we get desperate. We've been close to desperate - exceedingly close, and we could land ourselves right back there at any time.
Personally we're uncomfortable to give her medications just for the side effects. I really don't want to go the tube route. Why? It seems like it takes away her power. She's going to need to learn to eat on her volition, and tube feeding doesn't do that.
I have the least objections with the calorie supplements. I indeed think it's tricking her, and I'm trying to stay away from that. But...it's what I'd be most amenable to doing. And this Benecalorie stuff taunts me. If I could get 330 extra calories into her a day by adding it to her formula, that would be an extra 2,310 calories a week! That's 3/4 of a pound! Oh, that would take the edge off if I could get 3 extra pounds onto her in a month.
And then I stop myself as I type. I read that last sentence: "I could." It's not about her; it's about me. I would feel a whole lot better if she weighed more. But Little J, for whatever reason, feels just fine at approximately 18 pounds. She's not waking up to eat anymore at night (HOORAY, by the way!). While there may be some 'timing' issues at daycare, she doesn't go to bed hungry. She feels just fine at her weight. It's ME with the issue.
A sucky thing about being a parent is confronting your own personal crap that you bring into the parent/child relationship.
On that long-winded note provoked by Benecalorie, I'm going to try to hit the hay.
5 comments:
Thanks for the shout out! Oh, how I do feel your pain.... I, like you, never in million years thought that I would have a child who will not gain weight! Ricky and I are both food lovers and it shows. Yes, Waylon is in the zero percentile for his weight, but he will eat whatever food that's offered to him. I do cheat and make him his "milkshake" as we call it at night. Your recipe for Carnation breakfast, "poor man's pediasure." I figure it can't hurt to have a few extra calories at bedtime, right? I try not to worry about it because Dr. B is not concerned about it. She tells me that's just his pattern of growth and she thinks he's perfectly healthy. I know exactly what you mean by bringing your own issues to the parenting table. But know this Beth....I think you are an awesome mother! You track her food, you analyze, you research, you do everything in your power you can to make sure she is healthy and normal. She will read over these blogs when she's older and realize and be thankful that she has a mother who cares so much about her! Big big, mommy kudos to you!!
Beth, you nailed it right on the head. You never know when you're going to be back in "that place" and it's nice to know your options. There are many paths to choose from, and for most kiddos, the wait and see approach works well. For others, it doesn't. It's a slippery slope, how much intervention is okay, how much is too much. Many people don't discuss the dependency issues on certain food/calorie crutches, and the consequences when these methods stop working. And when you're out of options, then what?
You've done such a great job with Miss J, asking the right questions, pushing for more answers. Keep it up!
Aw thanks, ladies, but I feel like I should be doing more. But if I ever had a second with these problems, I feel I would be much more prepared. Like that's gonna happen!
I agree that you should hold off on the feeding tube if possible. Obviously it is sometimes necessary. Unfortunately, kids who use feeding tubes often have an even harder time eating later on. When our little guy was on a feeding tube we were given lots of info on it and many people told us their own personal experiences about trying to get their children weaned off their feeding tubes. All I learned from that was the sooner the better and to not need it is the best. Those families that have had to struggle with a feeding tube, my heart goes out to you!
Just my two cents.
When she was at the 2nd percentile (14 lbs for 4 months), it came up. They really didn't want to go that route unless she remained flatlined for another few months. And luckily she gained weight the next month.
I do know someone whose daughter has a feeding tube. Even WITH the feeding tube, her daughter is 21 pounds at 2.5 years old. Imagine what she'd weigh if she didn't have a feeding tube. And I thought I had it bad!
LA, I'm glad Mr. Waylon is liking his milkshake. Since (fingers crossed) it looks like Julia is on a milk-based formula 100% now, we may - may - be able to try the whole milk transition. Poor man's Pediasure may be finally on Julia's menu!
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